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GDBM: Canon? In my Mrs. Batman? It's more likely than you think
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tviokh's Politisims -- fun and gleefully irreverent, and very much a precursor to all of this -- so much so that it preceded the 2004 election, to say nothing of 2008. I kept meaning to mention it, but kept forgetting, because my mind is full of mice.
And yes, I'm sorry, it's been over a month. Next month may be worse with NaNoWriMo, but I'll keep trying.
First, a new addition to the neighborhood: Tony Stark.
His welcome wagon includes our hero Goddamn Batman, Wonder Woman, and...uhm, redhead whose name I keep forgetting.
And instanly sparks fly between Tony and Wondy. Dude, you're going to make Superman even more emo than he is already after being ventrilo-farted.
Wondy swoons. Yes, that's Tony Stark, all right. (Just for the record: he's a Fortune Sim, not a Romance Sim. These things just happen.)
And you thought Robert Downey Jr. was in character? Tony Stark Sim hits the bar, and in a remarkable show of self-restraint, saves some for his guests.
Someone's going to get his armored ass punched into the sun if he's not careful. Tears, people, this will end in buckets of tears.
And what is Goddamn Batman doing? Going Liberace on the piano. It's about at this point that I realize Goddamn Batman needs someone in his life other than his passive-aggressive butler.
No, I hadn't forgotten Zatanna. She's a relatively well-adjusted Sim even if she's channeling her inner evil overlord in this pose.
In fact, a witch's powers are rather potent -- enough that climbing to the top of the political ladder took relatively little effort. Funny thing is her lifetime want was to be a city planner, and that took another week after she resigned as mayor.
Thankfully, he'd already stopped by Zatanna's house at one point, so he invited her over. I believe these are her city-planner togs.
"Off to a tremendous start, are we, sir?"
"Borneo, we can both hear you when you shout like that."
Of course, we all know the appropriate response to a lull in the conversation is a tickle attack.
"What do you like to do?"
"I like games."
"Really? Let me show you my favorite game!" *whizzzzCHOP*
"I...I don't suppose you have, ah, Scrabble?"
"Hamburgers for sir and lovely guest."
"That's very sweet, thank you, Makoto."
"Thank you, madam. If you could be so kind, please write that name down and affix it to Master Goddamn in a visible location. Nomenclative retention is not one of the master's formidable skills."
Who needs Tony Stark when you've got your own helicopter, your own merrily bubbling Luvtub, and more money than God?
And yet Goddamn Batman manages not to close the deal. Nor even get a kiss. Or a goodnight handshake. The only thing the poor Darknight Detective gets out of the deal is an eyeful (looks like someone's got a high Outgoing score).
"Oh, yes, you will be mine. I shall dance you off your feet! I shall own your heart and make you mine!"
"Sir! Shouting!"
"I KNOW!"
Meanwhile, across town, new arrival Captain America cooks on the grill for his welcome wagon and a few assorted passersby.
While Cap's at work, guess who walks by the house? (The original plan called for them to be roommates. I don't think I have enough RAM for the amount of awkwardness that would entail.)
The economy's hitting us all where it hurts.
Cap can't resist talking some smack on Wondy. Odds are it involves Tony Stark, a tub of malt liquor, and a rubber duck.
Meanwhile, back at not-quite-stately Wayne Manor, Goddamn takes off to buy presents for his continued wooing of Zatanna. What do you buy the witch who has...wait, what's that in the upper-right?
Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot. They're also not very smart in Apocalypse Heights.
What do you get the witch who has everything? Cakes! Maybe not forty cakes. But a few. Maybe you're lucky enough to have a cake-shop proprietor in town who's not at all impressed with your Tahoe ski stories.
"Oh, no! The most expensive house in town has an alarm! What're the odds?!?"
The crooks in this town are stupid enough to be rattled by a beeping alarm and stand obligingly in panic. The police suffer from a different breed of stupid, entering the house and immediately turning to the right. Yes, this town needs a vigilante or two.
"We don't need no Goddamn Batman. I am the law!"
"Good morning, sir. I regret to inform you that my attempts to immolate the house using a Pop-Tart blowtorch were met with limited success. You may dine of the remnants of the attempt."
"You know, Cheerio, I'm never sure if you're making these things up or not."
"This is perhaps for the best, sir."
Is meringue the traditional present on the second date? Does it matter?
"Hey! Good to see you! Do you want to play Throw The Axe Like A Spaz?"
"I'd...love to, but...I pulled a...tri...cep? Playing jai alai. You know."
*smooch*
"AW HELLS YEAH YOU SMOKING GIRL!"
"Sir! Shouting!"
"Thanks, Taco."
What follows is the quasi-operatic serenade that isn't quite "Kiss From a Rose," not even anything from the Prince soundtrack, either. It's one part Luciano Pavarotti, one part Solomon Grundy. And Zatanna doesn't seem at all injured, or even disturbed.
"...And he made me lobster thermidor and I let it sit out all night and when he came in the next morning he cleaned it up and cried in the next room for like fifteen minutes!"
"Oh, you. You're horrible. You're so awful to the little people."
*giggle*
"Did you giggle or did I?"
"I don't know."
"Will you make me the happiest cowled ballet-dancing orphaned would-be vigilante detective in the world?"
"It's lovely! Was this your mother's?"
"My parents are DEEEEE...wait. Yes. Yes, it was. Sorry. It's a reflex."
"You know, my parents are DEEEEEEAAAAD, too."
"Destiny."
"Honey! Are you coming to say goodnight to the Boy Wonder?"
"Not now. Game's on."
"Honey! My parents are DEEEEEEAAAAAAD!"
*mutter mutter stupid stupid program TiVo mutter watch it later mutter*
I'm not sure this is Goddamn Batman's O-face. It looks more like Goddamn Batman's "aie-aie-aie!" face. Maybe I should download a sombrero.
That, I believe. (I wonder if there's a John Constantine sim?)
(a la Andy Samberg as Mark Wahlberg) "So you're a witch, right? How's that workin' out for you?"
*scarfs down rancid cereal*
"Goddamn, I want you to know I feel safe and confident starting this new period of our shared lives together, and I'll be by your side, no matter what."
"Heh. I got some."
"You're saying that out loud again, sir!"
"Bolero? Is that you? How....?"
"Transmitter in your molar, sir. Installed while you slept."
"Is that why I've been having nightmares about rubber mallets and icepicks?"
"Our dentistry curriculum at University was not extraordinarily advanced, sir, and I kept falling asleep in class. My apologies."
"Did...did I forget to put clothes on?"
"Uhm...yes. Yes, you did."
"Do you want to see this trick I can play with the piano?"
"I...I should be leaving."
"Tormented, determined, agile, deluded, filthy rich...yeah, yeah, it'll all balance out, eventually."
"Can I invite you to our studio? We have arts and crafts and...."
"The last woman who walked into this house uninvited got maced, tazered, beaten senseless and dragged out of here in handcuffs. Now, do I...."
"I...left something...in my car." *step step step stepstepstepstep SLAMzrrrrrrm*
"Ah, now I can listen to my muse in peace. My terrible, tormented muse."
Next up...uhm...wedding? Villains? Tony vs. Cap? Tony vs. Superman? Baroness vs. obnoxious neighbor? Cakes? Open to suggestions.
tviokh's Politisims -- fun and gleefully irreverent, and very much a precursor to all of this -- so much so that it preceded the 2004 election, to say nothing of 2008. I kept meaning to mention it, but kept forgetting, because my mind is full of mice.And yes, I'm sorry, it's been over a month. Next month may be worse with NaNoWriMo, but I'll keep trying.
First, a new addition to the neighborhood: Tony Stark.
His welcome wagon includes our hero Goddamn Batman, Wonder Woman, and...uhm, redhead whose name I keep forgetting.
And instanly sparks fly between Tony and Wondy. Dude, you're going to make Superman even more emo than he is already after being ventrilo-farted.
Wondy swoons. Yes, that's Tony Stark, all right. (Just for the record: he's a Fortune Sim, not a Romance Sim. These things just happen.)
And you thought Robert Downey Jr. was in character? Tony Stark Sim hits the bar, and in a remarkable show of self-restraint, saves some for his guests.
Someone's going to get his armored ass punched into the sun if he's not careful. Tears, people, this will end in buckets of tears.
And what is Goddamn Batman doing? Going Liberace on the piano. It's about at this point that I realize Goddamn Batman needs someone in his life other than his passive-aggressive butler.
No, I hadn't forgotten Zatanna. She's a relatively well-adjusted Sim even if she's channeling her inner evil overlord in this pose.
In fact, a witch's powers are rather potent -- enough that climbing to the top of the political ladder took relatively little effort. Funny thing is her lifetime want was to be a city planner, and that took another week after she resigned as mayor.
Thankfully, he'd already stopped by Zatanna's house at one point, so he invited her over. I believe these are her city-planner togs.
"Off to a tremendous start, are we, sir?"
"Borneo, we can both hear you when you shout like that."
Of course, we all know the appropriate response to a lull in the conversation is a tickle attack.
"What do you like to do?"
"I like games."
"Really? Let me show you my favorite game!" *whizzzzCHOP*
"I...I don't suppose you have, ah, Scrabble?"
"Hamburgers for sir and lovely guest."
"That's very sweet, thank you, Makoto."
"Thank you, madam. If you could be so kind, please write that name down and affix it to Master Goddamn in a visible location. Nomenclative retention is not one of the master's formidable skills."
Who needs Tony Stark when you've got your own helicopter, your own merrily bubbling Luvtub, and more money than God?
And yet Goddamn Batman manages not to close the deal. Nor even get a kiss. Or a goodnight handshake. The only thing the poor Darknight Detective gets out of the deal is an eyeful (looks like someone's got a high Outgoing score).
"Oh, yes, you will be mine. I shall dance you off your feet! I shall own your heart and make you mine!"
"Sir! Shouting!"
"I KNOW!"
Meanwhile, across town, new arrival Captain America cooks on the grill for his welcome wagon and a few assorted passersby.
While Cap's at work, guess who walks by the house? (The original plan called for them to be roommates. I don't think I have enough RAM for the amount of awkwardness that would entail.)
The economy's hitting us all where it hurts.
Cap can't resist talking some smack on Wondy. Odds are it involves Tony Stark, a tub of malt liquor, and a rubber duck.
Meanwhile, back at not-quite-stately Wayne Manor, Goddamn takes off to buy presents for his continued wooing of Zatanna. What do you buy the witch who has...wait, what's that in the upper-right?
Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot. They're also not very smart in Apocalypse Heights.
What do you get the witch who has everything? Cakes! Maybe not forty cakes. But a few. Maybe you're lucky enough to have a cake-shop proprietor in town who's not at all impressed with your Tahoe ski stories.
"Oh, no! The most expensive house in town has an alarm! What're the odds?!?"
The crooks in this town are stupid enough to be rattled by a beeping alarm and stand obligingly in panic. The police suffer from a different breed of stupid, entering the house and immediately turning to the right. Yes, this town needs a vigilante or two.
"We don't need no Goddamn Batman. I am the law!"
"Good morning, sir. I regret to inform you that my attempts to immolate the house using a Pop-Tart blowtorch were met with limited success. You may dine of the remnants of the attempt."
"You know, Cheerio, I'm never sure if you're making these things up or not."
"This is perhaps for the best, sir."
Is meringue the traditional present on the second date? Does it matter?
"Hey! Good to see you! Do you want to play Throw The Axe Like A Spaz?"
"I'd...love to, but...I pulled a...tri...cep? Playing jai alai. You know."
*smooch*
"AW HELLS YEAH YOU SMOKING GIRL!"
"Sir! Shouting!"
"Thanks, Taco."
What follows is the quasi-operatic serenade that isn't quite "Kiss From a Rose," not even anything from the Prince soundtrack, either. It's one part Luciano Pavarotti, one part Solomon Grundy. And Zatanna doesn't seem at all injured, or even disturbed.
"...And he made me lobster thermidor and I let it sit out all night and when he came in the next morning he cleaned it up and cried in the next room for like fifteen minutes!"
"Oh, you. You're horrible. You're so awful to the little people."
*giggle*
"Did you giggle or did I?"
"I don't know."
"Will you make me the happiest cowled ballet-dancing orphaned would-be vigilante detective in the world?"
"It's lovely! Was this your mother's?"
"My parents are DEEEEE...wait. Yes. Yes, it was. Sorry. It's a reflex."
"You know, my parents are DEEEEEEAAAAD, too."
"Destiny."
"Honey! Are you coming to say goodnight to the Boy Wonder?"
"Not now. Game's on."
"Honey! My parents are DEEEEEEAAAAAAD!"
*mutter mutter stupid stupid program TiVo mutter watch it later mutter*
I'm not sure this is Goddamn Batman's O-face. It looks more like Goddamn Batman's "aie-aie-aie!" face. Maybe I should download a sombrero.
That, I believe. (I wonder if there's a John Constantine sim?)
(a la Andy Samberg as Mark Wahlberg) "So you're a witch, right? How's that workin' out for you?"
*scarfs down rancid cereal*
"Goddamn, I want you to know I feel safe and confident starting this new period of our shared lives together, and I'll be by your side, no matter what."
"Heh. I got some."
"You're saying that out loud again, sir!"
"Bolero? Is that you? How....?"
"Transmitter in your molar, sir. Installed while you slept."
"Is that why I've been having nightmares about rubber mallets and icepicks?"
"Our dentistry curriculum at University was not extraordinarily advanced, sir, and I kept falling asleep in class. My apologies."
"Did...did I forget to put clothes on?"
"Uhm...yes. Yes, you did."
"Do you want to see this trick I can play with the piano?"
"I...I should be leaving."
"Tormented, determined, agile, deluded, filthy rich...yeah, yeah, it'll all balance out, eventually."
"Can I invite you to our studio? We have arts and crafts and...."
"The last woman who walked into this house uninvited got maced, tazered, beaten senseless and dragged out of here in handcuffs. Now, do I...."
"I...left something...in my car." *step step step stepstepstepstep SLAMzrrrrrrm*
"Ah, now I can listen to my muse in peace. My terrible, tormented muse."
Next up...uhm...wedding? Villains? Tony vs. Cap? Tony vs. Superman? Baroness vs. obnoxious neighbor? Cakes? Open to suggestions.
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BTW, is the house thief *supposed* to be cute?
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And so much awkward, it's excellent.
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MOAR TONY
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More Tony?
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This is great. Well worth the wait, and good luck on Nano!
Fortunes of Romance
Re: Fortunes of Romance
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I am totally stealing that for the next installment. Just so you know.
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...ohgod, and Zatanna was in that episode! ACCIDENTAL CANON!
(Am I bluuuuue...)