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GDBM: No, seriously, I haven't forgotten
I said, I specifically said as the game was loading up that I had a sense of impending doom re: Goddamn Batman's wedding. Let's just say I should've seen it coming.
First off, just checking in with our friends across town the Villains. Apparently the Riddler's meant to be an athletic Sim (who'd've thought that?) and Boba Fett couldn't catch a football if he had a Sarlacc maw to do it.
Neither can the Riddler, but at least he's jazzed about it.
"Who has two thumbs and should be trying out for the Chiefs wide receiver corps? This guy!"
The Legion of Doom loves their spaghetti dinners with the neighbors, just like everyone else.
Yes, Louis the idiot neighbor hasn't figured out that the Baroness despises him. As in "wants to see his ghost" despises. He's over all the frickin' time. So he was, honestly, asking for this.
"Oh, hello little Frenchy mans."
ZOMG I KEEL YOU
Neighbors: horrified. Butler: entranced. Roommates: eating spaghetti.
AHA I STRIKE FROM BEHIND WITH MANY VENOM KEKEKEKE
Yes, she's an athlete, so she's got body points to spare, so she's going to win this little tussle....
...aaaand it's not like she's going to use those influence points for anything better than, say, goading the visiting neighbors into attacking Louis, too....
This is just like grad school all over again.
Louis leaps at the opportunity, having just fended off an unprovoked attack from a stranger, to let his smug flag fly. All I'm going to tell you right now is not to get too attached to the man.
Also note the butler. He was stuck putting this pork chop in and pulling it out of the oven all night. In fact, I think he's still there.
The Baroness takes an interest in cultivating local flora. Is this (a) an act of gentle benevolence or (b) a means to an awful awful end?
Talking crime and punishment with the ladies in the hot tub. Again, just like grad school.
"Let the Mandalorian win."
ZOMG IM SO PISST IM GONNA STEAL HER NEWSPAPERS LOL
Dude, if you get in a pissing match with a neighbor who just happens to run around with the Legion of Doom and cultivated as being a bespectacled female agent of a hapless yet still uncannily well-financed terrorist organization? Let it go.
This is your last chance, Louis. But if you turn up at the house one more time, I'm...I'm not responsible for what's gotta happen.
Lex finally gets a suit, a real suit, and his dignity takes a major uptick.
help me i am in hell
"Hey, seriously, I know where the guy lives, I could just swoop in and be all, you know, beeeyoooooKRPRSHHH and we wouldn't have any more of that guy and that stupid mustache hanging around here anymore, you know."
"No, Booby Feet, he has a child and a wifeling. We cannot explode the house indiscriminatingly. That would be too many paperworks."
"So then Leslie got back and she was like totally wasted and we tried to get her into the bathroom and she was making this mooing sound every time she was throwing up and she kept asking for banana daiquiris and Jodee figured well we could make those because we have the blender and we've got some bananas and I mean they're a little brown but really when you can't lay on the bed without holding on you're not going to be that picky anyway so we...uhm. Uh...he's...just standing there again."
"Hey. Mind if I...watch?"
Meanwhile, back at Casa del Batman, a random passerby has discovered that a certain someone reacts quite well to the "be admired" action.
"Sir, I've contacted Miss Zatara and your guests and taken the liberty of hiring a bartender for the afternoon, as well."
"Thanks much, Kimono, good job."
"Sir, there is...a woman hurling axes in the front yard."
"It's traditional."
"...Very well, sir."
"Just make sure the Christmas tree is turned on. I like Christmas."
"Of course, sir." PLOT POINT.
The guests arrive -- the bride is all out of Mystic Dust, however, so she can't cast very many spells at all today. PLOT POINT.
Click arch -> "Get Married" -- it can't be that easy, can it?
"No matter what happens today, remember, we're insured."
Yes, when you're staring down the long odds of this group, you eat cake first, dammit. Also, WHY IS MAI CAKE STICKING TO MAI PLATE LOL.
Ah, yes, the formidable Goddamn Batman forgot to take his wedding day off, so he has to call in sick.
Yes, I'm as surprised as you are.
Did I mention she's loaded?
"AND IF ANY OF YOU CROSS EITHER OF US AND I MEAN EITHER OF US I WILL TURN YOU INTO A NEWT FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY 'GMOZ MI A TWEN'"
And as typical at a wedding, the groom yells like a hyena while a pillow fight breaks out.
Yes, that's the groom rock-paper-scissoring with a guest, the bride "hanging out" in her wedding dress, the pillow fight still raging and a grown man slouching like he's never slouched before.
DUDE I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR EIGHTY MINUTES. NOT COOL.
"Dude, I'll bet you five bucks you can't act like a squirrel."
"You're totally losing that. Here." *chitter chatter*
"Yes, that's my husband in the cape acting like a treebound rodent. We're so happy."
This is:
a) Zatanna doing tequila shots off Goddamn Batman's upper arm
b) an amusingly bad krav maga training exercise
c) the moment when the party's really really over and everyone leaves en masse to get drinks down at Evil Taco Cake Bell.
"Honey, we've moved in your huge-ass portrait of yourself, your unholy altar of meditation and rumination, your cauldron of bubbling unknowable magicks, your throne of restoration and revitalization...anything else we're missing?"
"Did you leave the Christmas tree on all day?"
"Yeah, why?"
No, there's not a single smoke alarm in the entire place. How did this happen? I have no idea.
AUGH HO YLOH TIHS
"Herb, you gotta hear this."
"What's that, Mike?"
"There's this lady who keep calling 911 and I can't understand a goddamn thing she says. I mean, it's like she's talking backwards or something."
"What's the trace on the number?"
"Some Gordan Bateman guy, lives up by Evil Taco Cake Bell...."
"Engines! Roll the engines!"
It's a Salem Christmas!
"Dude. This is my heroic moment in the eyes of my new blushing bride, and you have to come in here and harsh my dark brooding buzz."
"Sir, this is my job, and your blushing bride has sparkly green skin."
"I know. Isn't she awesome?"
"Sir, I'm going to run a few words by you. Sprinkler. Smoke detector. Run for your life. I welcome you to add some, any of these to your vocabulary at some point before you decide to have children."
...doot doot doot painting myself doot doot doot making my pupils white doot doot doot....
...Children?
First off, just checking in with our friends across town the Villains. Apparently the Riddler's meant to be an athletic Sim (who'd've thought that?) and Boba Fett couldn't catch a football if he had a Sarlacc maw to do it.
Neither can the Riddler, but at least he's jazzed about it.
"Who has two thumbs and should be trying out for the Chiefs wide receiver corps? This guy!"
The Legion of Doom loves their spaghetti dinners with the neighbors, just like everyone else.
Yes, Louis the idiot neighbor hasn't figured out that the Baroness despises him. As in "wants to see his ghost" despises. He's over all the frickin' time. So he was, honestly, asking for this.
"Oh, hello little Frenchy mans."
ZOMG I KEEL YOU
Neighbors: horrified. Butler: entranced. Roommates: eating spaghetti.
AHA I STRIKE FROM BEHIND WITH MANY VENOM KEKEKEKE
Yes, she's an athlete, so she's got body points to spare, so she's going to win this little tussle....
...aaaand it's not like she's going to use those influence points for anything better than, say, goading the visiting neighbors into attacking Louis, too....
This is just like grad school all over again.
Louis leaps at the opportunity, having just fended off an unprovoked attack from a stranger, to let his smug flag fly. All I'm going to tell you right now is not to get too attached to the man.
Also note the butler. He was stuck putting this pork chop in and pulling it out of the oven all night. In fact, I think he's still there.
The Baroness takes an interest in cultivating local flora. Is this (a) an act of gentle benevolence or (b) a means to an awful awful end?
Talking crime and punishment with the ladies in the hot tub. Again, just like grad school.
"Let the Mandalorian win."
ZOMG IM SO PISST IM GONNA STEAL HER NEWSPAPERS LOL
Dude, if you get in a pissing match with a neighbor who just happens to run around with the Legion of Doom and cultivated as being a bespectacled female agent of a hapless yet still uncannily well-financed terrorist organization? Let it go.
This is your last chance, Louis. But if you turn up at the house one more time, I'm...I'm not responsible for what's gotta happen.
Lex finally gets a suit, a real suit, and his dignity takes a major uptick.
help me i am in hell
"Hey, seriously, I know where the guy lives, I could just swoop in and be all, you know, beeeyoooooKRPRSHHH and we wouldn't have any more of that guy and that stupid mustache hanging around here anymore, you know."
"No, Booby Feet, he has a child and a wifeling. We cannot explode the house indiscriminatingly. That would be too many paperworks."
"So then Leslie got back and she was like totally wasted and we tried to get her into the bathroom and she was making this mooing sound every time she was throwing up and she kept asking for banana daiquiris and Jodee figured well we could make those because we have the blender and we've got some bananas and I mean they're a little brown but really when you can't lay on the bed without holding on you're not going to be that picky anyway so we...uhm. Uh...he's...just standing there again."
"Hey. Mind if I...watch?"
Meanwhile, back at Casa del Batman, a random passerby has discovered that a certain someone reacts quite well to the "be admired" action.
"Sir, I've contacted Miss Zatara and your guests and taken the liberty of hiring a bartender for the afternoon, as well."
"Thanks much, Kimono, good job."
"Sir, there is...a woman hurling axes in the front yard."
"It's traditional."
"...Very well, sir."
"Just make sure the Christmas tree is turned on. I like Christmas."
"Of course, sir." PLOT POINT.
The guests arrive -- the bride is all out of Mystic Dust, however, so she can't cast very many spells at all today. PLOT POINT.
Click arch -> "Get Married" -- it can't be that easy, can it?
"No matter what happens today, remember, we're insured."
Yes, when you're staring down the long odds of this group, you eat cake first, dammit. Also, WHY IS MAI CAKE STICKING TO MAI PLATE LOL.
Ah, yes, the formidable Goddamn Batman forgot to take his wedding day off, so he has to call in sick.
Yes, I'm as surprised as you are.
Did I mention she's loaded?
"AND IF ANY OF YOU CROSS EITHER OF US AND I MEAN EITHER OF US I WILL TURN YOU INTO A NEWT FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY 'GMOZ MI A TWEN'"
And as typical at a wedding, the groom yells like a hyena while a pillow fight breaks out.
Yes, that's the groom rock-paper-scissoring with a guest, the bride "hanging out" in her wedding dress, the pillow fight still raging and a grown man slouching like he's never slouched before.
DUDE I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR EIGHTY MINUTES. NOT COOL.
"Dude, I'll bet you five bucks you can't act like a squirrel."
"You're totally losing that. Here." *chitter chatter*
"Yes, that's my husband in the cape acting like a treebound rodent. We're so happy."
This is:
a) Zatanna doing tequila shots off Goddamn Batman's upper arm
b) an amusingly bad krav maga training exercise
c) the moment when the party's really really over and everyone leaves en masse to get drinks down at Evil Taco Cake Bell.
"Honey, we've moved in your huge-ass portrait of yourself, your unholy altar of meditation and rumination, your cauldron of bubbling unknowable magicks, your throne of restoration and revitalization...anything else we're missing?"
"Did you leave the Christmas tree on all day?"
"Yeah, why?"
No, there's not a single smoke alarm in the entire place. How did this happen? I have no idea.
AUGH HO YLOH TIHS
"Herb, you gotta hear this."
"What's that, Mike?"
"There's this lady who keep calling 911 and I can't understand a goddamn thing she says. I mean, it's like she's talking backwards or something."
"What's the trace on the number?"
"Some Gordan Bateman guy, lives up by Evil Taco Cake Bell...."
"Engines! Roll the engines!"
It's a Salem Christmas!
"Dude. This is my heroic moment in the eyes of my new blushing bride, and you have to come in here and harsh my dark brooding buzz."
"Sir, this is my job, and your blushing bride has sparkly green skin."
"I know. Isn't she awesome?"
"Sir, I'm going to run a few words by you. Sprinkler. Smoke detector. Run for your life. I welcome you to add some, any of these to your vocabulary at some point before you decide to have children."
...doot doot doot painting myself doot doot doot making my pupils white doot doot doot....
...Children?