GDBM: In which we begin to fear for Kal-El's state of mind

[sigma7]

Meanwhile, back at the Hacienda of Justice, Robin gained enthusiasm in cuisine and everyone took a disturbing amount of interest in it. Except Robin.


The welcome wagon is still hanging around, and just as they're about to enjoy spaghetti, Diana's trying to shoo them out of the kitchen, and I have no idea why....


Ah, I see. Amazon kitchen sink sponge bath. Or, you know, you could just walk to the other end of the building where there are two showers and two bathtubs, but hey....


Again, one of those moments I'm glad the game doesn't recognize the droids as being droids, else we'd have one electrocuted sidekick and one dead neighbor.



Robin's been studying from the Battlestar Galactica Handbook of Fine Cuisine, I see.


"You know, it's just that some days I wouldn't mind robbing a bank. What do you two think?"


Aaaaand the Man of Steel farts all over the kitchen table. In the Silver Age, this would've blown Wonder Woman through the wall.


"I'll take 'This Will Not End Well' for $2000, Alex."


"Results 1 - 10 of about 147,000 for allison mack bikini. (0.27 seconds)"


Yes, this game is so old that the arrow on the chart is actually going up. Also note the action in Superman's queue: "Be VentriloFarted."


I see this as karmic retribution for all those Silver-Age "super-ventriloquism" moments.


Superman is beyond mortified, despite him having broken wind on the table not four hours ago.


Man of Steel or Man of Kleenex?


Insert Five For Fighting song reference here.


"On Themyscira, we do not use cutting boards, Clark."
"Well, I don't have a mortgage on Themyscira, okay?"
"On Themyscira, we have no concept of property ownership. We belong to the earth, and it supports and rejuvenates us."
"On Soviet Themyscira, land owns you!"
"Tim, you're not helping."
"Sorry."


Options not included: batarang, utility belt, tear gas.


Thankfully, Tim has Dateline's Chris Hansen's number on speed-dial.


Tim, that's not Garfield Logan, and giving him a friendly smack on the back would be ill-advised. Fortunately homework trumps horseplay, lest the entire household begin crying.


Wonder Girl -- the school headmaster is visiting and attempting to ascertain if your family should be allowed entrance into private school. Do you (a) speak simply with respect (b) ask him questions about his educational facility (c) let rip with a thunderous roar as he's trying to eat spaghetti? Take your time.


"Cassie, what are you doing?"
"I'm just taking the dishes to wash them. Is that weird?"
"A little, yeah. I can't stop watching."


"So, your daughter, is she...."
"We love her very much."
"Has she...uhm, been exposed to lead-based paint, perhaps?"
"Only after supper. It's the smallest of the five food groups."


Diana: your score with the headmaster is 84/90. All you need is six more points in the next three hours to get your kids into private school. You can do this.


...Unless you get him in the hot tub and he refuses to come out, of course.


"Congratulations. You failed. I'll have my lawyer draw up a restraining order first thing in the morning. Enjoy the American public educational system. It's like a lead paint salad bar."


Meanwhile, at the Hall of Doom, how pissed off is the Baroness? She wants to see Louis' ghost. I'd never seen that before. But you gotta respect a woman with goals.


So Darth Maul, the Baroness and Lex Luthors are on a minor-league team. And all get promoted at the same time. How cute.


"Luthor! I am thinking we should start band. We could be being dressed up in llama and spit on the audience after songs."
"I hate to admit this, but that's not the worst idea I've heard today."


"So, how you doin', Fett?"
"Could someone hand me a squeegee? My helmet keeps fogging up."


And the Sith Lord is beaten by the treadmill. Again.


The minor leaguers head to work, only to find that Louis has knocked over their garbage can. The Legion of Doom has just been Served.


"Look, man, I'm just telling you this as a concerned neighbor. You don't want to keep doing this. The Baroness is a regal and indignant little ball of hate. And you do not want her coming after you with tweezers. She's plucky, and I don't mean that in a good way."


"Oh, no, I am a having...the back, it is much with hurting. I can't lift things in English very well."


"A winner is me!"
(And Maul and Luthor both got the same card with the same result. Say what you will about the Legion of Doom, they're a tight-knit bunch.)


Unfortunately, now in my mind's eye, I'm getting the Riddler mixed up with Horatio Caine. "You can talk to the family, Jake, but I think the proof...." *puts on sunglasses* "...is in the pudding." (Soundtrack: "YEAHHHH....")


Make your own "wet kitty in toilet" jokes, because honestly, I don't want that on my conscience.


Luthor and Maul gossip cattily as the team gets promoted en masse again. Though I've got to admit, I will miss the llama suits.


"Yes, yes, yes, I know you're a criminal mastermind who somehow can't quite figure out how to go up the stairs, but God, you smell like fish cheese."


Because face it, you never imagined the tech guy at the coffee shop to be a Mandalorian bounty hunter. Maybe you should've.


I call this one 'Open the blast doors' --
A million voices suddenly cry out in terror
yours is the only one I hear
I want to bullseye your womp rat
C'mon, let my Wookiee win
Get in there, you big furry oaf!
I don't care what you smell!
Look at the size of that thing
I have you now
Great shot, kid, that was one in a million
Sorry about the mess


The Baroness finds Louis upstairs. And since the last time they tussled, the Baroness has gained a few body points....








"Annnd there. I have defeated you, puny little man-thing."


"And let this be a lesson for the next time you disrupt our can garbage." *smack smack smack*


And Louis steals their newspaper on his way out. Truly, who is the real evil, the villain, or the villain who steals the villain's newspaper?


Once more, she's got goals.


"I shall be prepared for the remeeting between us and the little Louie-man. I shall smack him around in a matter most unbefitting him and his tiny face-hairs."



Only the Baroness got this one.


And they're all promoted in sequence again.

Next up: more fun with the cowled-can-can dancer, I think.

Comments

[merseybeatler.livejournal.com]

Three cheers for super-flatulence!

[kateshort.livejournal.com]

Dude-- how come the baroness gets so much less in terms of Simoleans? Is it really 'cause she's a girl?

[sigma7.livejournal.com]

I'll have to check when I load up the Villain family again, but I believe it's because she didn't choose fortune-based perks (one of which includes a salary bump) while Lex and Maul did. And really, it doesn't make a great deal of sense to, er, invest in those perks when you're in a family that makes gratuitous use of cheat codes anyway....

[robing.livejournal.com]

"In the Silver Age, this would've blown Wonder Woman through the wall."


So very, very wrong. :-)

[cookie-mccool.livejournal.com]

I've never actually seen the sponge bath thing, that's awesomely disgusting. I hope you'll get a picture if Superman's the type to pee in non-traditional places like the shower or outside in the bushes.

[dawnmipb.livejournal.com]

I have only seen them pee in the bushes once and I was so surprised and delighted that I almost fell out of my office chair.

I'd been playing for a couple years by then, and it had NEVER happened. Awesome.

My favorite thing is when they fall asleep in their food.

[mindset]

Holy snap, I think Yahtzee's been watching your stuff.

[sigma7.livejournal.com]

Can I tell you how much I adore the fact that you icon'ed one of my favorite parts of recent Yahtzee? I must've played that bit back ten times that day. I really want to extract the audio and use it as my default error noise on my work computer, but right now it's still James Earl Jones's "A-HA!" from Coming to Americaby way of Coming to Alderaan. But I digress.

I saw that review (how could I resist a sarcasm-saturated review of Spore, the most anticipated title of the last decade?), but I don't think my mind is prepared to accept that that callipygian superman might've stumbled upon my humble corner of the Internet. Still, it does make me want to giggle and bounce off things.