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About a year ago -- just after Christmas, in fact -- the company that supplies vending machines to my workplace had Free Coffee Day (free as in "don't pay," not free as in "liberate"). The coffee machine would spit out coffee, cocoa, or chicken soup (yeah, I never did try that) for free. And, let's be honest, that's the most wonderful time of the year right there. So I drank a lot of coffee. Nine cups in all. I was getting an EKG done later that day to see if my heart was still going woogy.
Punchline: the EKG went absolutely fine. Not a hiccup. I was trying to explain how much trouble the ol'ticker'd been giving me, but maybe it was the fact that I was only making squirrel-sounds instead of actually talking that caused them to ignore me....
Punchline the second: Seven hours after the EKG I couldn't stop shaking, and neither could my heart. Ended up in the emergency room -- again -- though they'd remodelled since I'd been there. Wasn't much they could do except take another EKG -- this one looking like today's California seismographs -- and sent it to my electrocardiologist with, I like to imagine, a giant message scrawled on a Post-it Note saying "SEE?"
I bring that up 'cause today I feel much like I did that day. Tired, but restless. Cardiac muscle all a-bouncy. Hard to think, form coherent sentences, contemplate large things. Of course, it's hard for people to distinguish days like this from my "normalcy." Oooh, and getting all deja vuey too. Maybe I'm just losing the capacity to be bound by rational bounds of space-time. Like I ever had it to begin with. At least I'm not jumpy and screaming at people for no reason. Yet.
And I still feel like I can feel someone or something familiar moving just beyond the shadow of my perception. Either I'm paranoid -- moreso than usual -- or this week's going to suck.
Punchline: the EKG went absolutely fine. Not a hiccup. I was trying to explain how much trouble the ol'ticker'd been giving me, but maybe it was the fact that I was only making squirrel-sounds instead of actually talking that caused them to ignore me....
Punchline the second: Seven hours after the EKG I couldn't stop shaking, and neither could my heart. Ended up in the emergency room -- again -- though they'd remodelled since I'd been there. Wasn't much they could do except take another EKG -- this one looking like today's California seismographs -- and sent it to my electrocardiologist with, I like to imagine, a giant message scrawled on a Post-it Note saying "SEE?"
I bring that up 'cause today I feel much like I did that day. Tired, but restless. Cardiac muscle all a-bouncy. Hard to think, form coherent sentences, contemplate large things. Of course, it's hard for people to distinguish days like this from my "normalcy." Oooh, and getting all deja vuey too. Maybe I'm just losing the capacity to be bound by rational bounds of space-time. Like I ever had it to begin with. At least I'm not jumpy and screaming at people for no reason. Yet.
And I still feel like I can feel someone or something familiar moving just beyond the shadow of my perception. Either I'm paranoid -- moreso than usual -- or this week's going to suck.
