Under anesthetic, subdivided and synthetic

Just when you were worried the American sociopolitical discourse was devolving, along comes soon-to-be-legendary Jane Skrovota's fascinatingly deranged anti-LGBT testimony to the Lincoln, Nebraska city council. In just five minutes, she makes Bristol Palin sound like William F. Buckley.

Challenge: try to explain the arrest of Henry Louis Gates and the resulting kerfluffle -- culminating in the beer summit -- to someone who hadn't heard of it, without having to interrupt with "I'm not kidding, this really happened" whenever you pause for breath. But you have to, to get the full effect of Cambridge Cop Accidentally Arrests Henry Louis Gates Again During White House Meeting.

rewil brings word that Mr. I-Don't-Photoshop Except When I Can Get Away With It has released an...essay? I guess? I suppose it's to respond to the allegations against him, but it's hard to tell. It's one of the most obnoxiously pretentious and still somehow content-free pieces of shit I've read in a long, long time, so it's worth it for entertainment value and reinforcing the validity that any additional energy expended upon this "artist" is entirely wasted except as a cautionary tale to others, or possibly as an exercise in either steel-reinforced denial or merely merrily prancing about with the English language before beating it to death with the sledgehammer of the tortured misunderstood artist.

EA's not releasing its annual incremental roster patch for its NFL game for the PC for the second year in a row. I smell a spite-torrent or two. Pity Red Alert 3 wasn't worth seeding.

When the rape allegations regarding Ben Roethlisberger (oh God I can type that from memory now) surfaced, I skipped through my usual parade of web sites, pausing when I hit ESPN, thinking they just hadn't filed their story yet. No, as it turns out, they've taken a most curious stance toward the civil case re: Roethlisberger: speak no evil. It took the self-proclaimed worldwide leader in sports 48 hours to casually mention that there are allegations against the Super-Bowl-winning quarterback, and had any other story simmered in the background for two days, ESPN would kick itself for not covering it. ESPN's half-hearted defense is that the allegations are too weak to merit coverage and that ESPN doesn't cover civil suits -- but even a casual observer will remember allegations with similar if not equivalent levels of veracity trumpeted by the network against Kwame Brown or Larry Johnson. And if you do make the mistake of talking about Roethlisberger on ESPN airwaves, don't worry, they'll correct you soon enough. Is this a network just wanting to keep the premiere sports franchie (and business partner) and one of its brightest stars happy? Or just another manifestation of rape culture?

For the record, that last link explicitly says that suggesting the accuser may be a "lying gold-digger" is rape culture. Maybe I'm missing something, but to me that's just healthy skepticism -- I don't think leaping to a conclusion in either direction suits anyone at this juncture, and if someone wants to paint me with a brush of condemnation for not immediately grasping their standard and waving it frantically, then I guess I get painted. But that's another, much larger can of worms -- removed from the accusations themselves is the issue of ESPN's coverage of them, or lack thereof. It's inconsistent with precedent and its own mission as a purported newsgathering organization, and ultimately it damages their brand (unless they choose to go the route of so many cable channels and change their mission, from sports news to sports entertainment -- and cynics may well ask what the difference is and if that hasn't happened already). To report on allegations as allegations and not foregone conclusions shouldn't threaten Roethlisberger, the Steelers or the NFL, but it's a pity ESPN chose to capitulate. It's not discretion, it's cowardice, and no institution is better served by such.

So President Obama took the oath of office again today. Some see it as necessary, others redundant. Me, I think it's a fantastic idea -- hell, he should take it every day, like a Green Lantern.

Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job.

Sen. Ted Stevens guilty of corruption charges. I confess surprise.

"Now, you're the expert," he began. "And I'll gladly be the junior partner in this, but I really think we should take Drew Brees. He could have a big week. Oakland's secondary is a wreck."

Ohhhh, so that's how it's going to be. "Well, I like Carson Palmer," I said. "He's due for a big week, plus he plays in Ohio and I figure that's a state you need, so ..."

He looked at me like I'd stuck my elbow in his soup. "Man, this is more important than politics!" he insisted. "This is football!" Insert Leonidas here.

And Carson Palmer? Really? Maybe any other year (says the man keeping Ocho Cinco on his roster for the curse if no other reason)....

So I needed an excuse to play around with styling tables with CSS, as I've apparently replaced the CSS repository in my brain with the advantages and disadvantages of the Wildcat formation offense. Anyhow. Your presidential debate 2008 bingo cards with some VP lingo thrown in because I'm, well, tired.

Edit: And if politics aren't your speed, House bingo, ganked from here via Polite Dissent, with additions.

So, let's count the things that have failed today¹.

-- The markets
-- The bailout
-- Wachovia (we could split hairs over what constitutes true fail, but face it, it's close enough -- spell-check wants to replace "Wachovia" with "Chekhovian" and I don't think even Anton was ever this dour)
-- The Legion of Super-Heroes (paging Christopher Bird, please pick up white courtesy phone)
-- Scott Linehan, former coach of the St. Louis Baabaas
-- The Hubble
-- Naked 52-year-old sex offenders found naked in a neighbor's daughter's bedroom with a knife, rope, condoms and a bad heart
-- Bat-flavored coffee
-- Gina Rue's suicide attempt (and I find this just after finishing Crysis Warhead with the riveting bridge cutscene)
-- Getting your butt stapled shut
-- Chili-eating-related fatality (from the Daily Fail, no less)
-- The New York Sun (final issue tomorrow -- print is dead, I tells ya)
-- My sanity and, of course, progress on GDBM (soon, I promise)

I'm sure there's more I'm missing, but those are your highlights. This should be a bank holiday -- like April Fool's, but inevitably self-inflicted.

¹Yeah, I'm cheating on some of these things having happened a few days ago. I'm adopting a quantum denial filter -- they didn't happen until I saw that they happened, and thus the waveform stabilized.

MightyGodKing's political Magic cards. The Ron Paul card burns with truth.

Sarah Palin? Really?

It's an...interesting tactic, I guess, desperately skewing toward the elusive PUMA (well, those who kept their TVs off this week) while still pro-life. I don't see it working, though. Troopergate aside (which will feed right into the Democratic attack line of cronyism and corruption, politics as usual), I don't see her bringing women voters to the polls -- her popularity up north will probably cement Alaska's electoral votes (all three of them) which were leaning red anyway, but I don't see that appeal cutting into the Democratic base. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm just glad there are some fresh faces in the cycle this time around. Much, much more fascinating.

The ultimate benefactor of this move, regardless of how the presidential race turns out, might just be Ted "Series of Tubes" Stevens, the Republican senator since the discovery of gunpowder, under indictment and seventeen points behind Mark Begich. I don't know that even Palin's place on the ticket will help him close the gap, but the man needs every ounce of help he can get. If Stevens pulls out of the primary and another Republican steps up to the plate, though, all bets are off.

Edit via the glory that is alstaria: Tigh/Roslin '08! This beats out my other dream ticket of Roslin/Airlock.