Take Jim Nantz's and Phil Simms's commentary tracks from a game of Madden 13, feed it through Windows 8's voice recognition system, and enjoy what Joel McHale once called, during the first incarnation of Spaghetti Cat, "for lack of a better word, art." The Cold War burns hot and Hollywood looms and gender politics arise....

This is a time when the quarterback as the backs the clock has to be very careful trailing 18 points to get back into this one time is running out of the DB is playing with publish them knowing what a great fan of his final outcome of an Alemany warning good job here by the quarterback he doesn't like what he sees on the side Soviets changing the way to the receivers by government lands a bottle main house on their bob Levey made all but the enough that we have a football in your hands they are not talking to god and all that is a ballcarrier protect a lot better off and slides of your first and 10 years to get the Michael charter of rights away brought down in the morning of nine

But the events of the medical

The formation here shotgun challenging that ball as big of an here we go as guides across the Andes and that's down and talk about getting your team full of almost if they get everything on your side have not been intercepted by the demands of them taken a back hallway of the school extra point is that all the way it's going to

Theater sets a kickoff

Each drop down at the 23 yard line

Kind of this one's body of David B. Vance knows it needs a dollar stop first down at 10 attack was made at the 40 yard line will ever want to get all wrong idea that was a nice job of them running back good job of rod sustain the box office Gotta be happy with that crime is beginning to fade by the quarterback bill was his team still has a chance of putting something covering there's a player out of the old raiders on their way out of a hit this tale by the body language of the ways that that is an upper body and read all the stops of your wallet $2.00 and as we climbed out of the events comes out in the middle set it down 11 field of battle and he's battled back of the keyboard yard line the job ads out of the corvette back of a short pass even know the result of a first down Belmont Park short all of your passes are in play and said thin the morning in the second half

Miracles do happen as the validity one probably doubled as all this is not what you'd call a airtight contract at the sample the small fry toward the middle of the deal guaranteed coverage income poilong line of quarterback stands alone in the backfield are now the nets and looking across the middle wide alibi for the catch good job of receiver that sounded good for mobile yards gets a force doubt they are largely was the other david's reacts he's tplayers from both sides made an appeal by the referees saves all the demands able to move the chains after that building a shotgun they're looking for help with receive a rather write and he's also got about as good job of the offense of the verse doubt that the vans absolutefirst down press coverage all the way quarterback taking the snap of the shotgun he makes the catch no surprise then she would call a timeout plate number six coming up on this drive sat down and Ceo Michael Turner takes them and all wasting little time the all that stands, line by the seventh play of the dried stand back to the quarterback of the god squad and lesbian route about
sigma7: Sims (scene missing)
( Jul. 25th, 2011 07:08 pm)
Hrm, so that was interesting. More on that later. Right now it's only 93 degrees and I can actually function, so just to break up the predictable sea of Cyrillic spam, here's actual content. Brace yourselves.

I've been digging through Rifftrax lately (short definition: commentary tracks of pure mockery), and I have to say, it's made (some) unwatchable movies watchable (I really can't recommend seeing the Twilight movies any other way) and introduced me to some particularly hideous cinematic misadventures -- two so bad that they appear on Wikipedia's list of films considered the worst. And rightly so.

First there's The Room, an incompetently-implemented vanity vehicle for its (sigh) writer, director and star of indeterminate accent and negligible talent. Allegedly cost $6 million to make, absolutely none of which shows on-screen, and everyone emotes and enunciates as if they'd just taken gulps from a punchbowl of quaaludes. It's a romantic drama without drama or romance or...redeeming qualities, really.

For the love of God, keep annotations enabled while you watch this.

And yet there's still Birdemic: Shock and Horror. Ever wonder if there's a quality of film that even SyFy won't show, or a level of special effect too embarrassing for basic cable? Here's a film with much loftier ambitions than The Room and even less watchability -- awful editing, acting, narrative and, without a doubt, the worst special effects I've ever seen. Period. If your four-year-old shot this on a Handycam you'd sit them down and gently encourage them to try again or, perhaps, take up piano instead.

I'm sure the director is quite enthusiastic, but enthusiasm does not necessarily translate to coherence or quality. Referred to by its director as a "romantic thriller," the veracity of which I will leave to you.

There, now Green Lantern doesn't look so bad, does it?
While on the topic of catastrophically inexplicable computer game bugs, one from a recent classic: Dragon Age: Origins (and to answer your question, no, that's not supposed to happen; she's a bard, not a contortionist¹)....

¹Though, given what goes down at The Pearl, maybe....
I'm often asked if there's an easy way to diagnose migraines. Sure. See if you can make it a minute and a half through this video without crying:

About a minute in and I'm fully incapacitated.

Edit: Oh, look, it's a rehosted partial mirror: Tennessee Williams's My Little Pony in !Kung.... )
Wilkinsburg police said they believe no students ingested the contents of 78 bags of heroin that were brought to school by an 8-year old on Tuesday.

However, they could not say for sure how 18 bags, some opened, ended up in the classroom's trash can.

The third-grader at Turner Elementary School was found with 60 folded bags of heroin, stamped with the message "Trust Me," during state standardized testing Tuesday morning.

Obviously standardized testing in Pennsylvania is slightly more rigorous than in most other states.
It's days like this that I miss being in news.

Also, someone check on Walter Cronkite, will ya?
sigma7: Sims (wtf)
( Aug. 23rd, 2008 01:39 pm)
JUNG YEON-JE/AFP/Getty Images, ganked from ESPN.com

If you get disqualified from your taekwondo match for taking too long in injury time, there are many acceptable forms of response. Kicking the judge in the face is not one of them.

The former gold-medal winner and trenchant philosopher pictured above and his coach have been recommended to be banned from the World Taekwondo Federation for life.

"We didn't expect anything like what you have witnessed to occur," said WTF secretary general Yang Jin-suk. "I am at a loss for words."

sigma7: Sims (youmakekittyscared)
( Aug. 11th, 2008 10:19 am)
This is not a randomly-generated news story. But yes, I am going to dissect it for just such a purpose.

Is it possible that a former Brigham Young University co-ed and Miss Wyoming beauty queen charged in the 1970s with kidnapping and raping a Mormon missionary in England has resurfaced as the woman who made news this week for paying a Korean lab to clone puppies from her deceased dog's DNA?

As it turns out? Yes. Kudos to the Obscure Store.
Every once in a while an image comes along and just screws up your mind for the rest of the day. Today that image was this one. Safe for work, technically, though very very hard to explain.

But what got me about the picture wasn't the first thing you notice, nor the second, nor probably even the third. But...that. Yes, that.
While I think Bob Novak has more than earned his share of ire and spite for his columns and complicity in outing undercover agents, I'm still saddened by the news of his recent diagnosis and grim prognosis. (Sorry, I wish I was better at being bitter, but I have my weak spots.)

That said, the AP story detailing his retirement is missing one critical word. See if you can find it below or click here for the whole story. Hint: last paragraph.

Conservative political commentator Robert Novak has announced his immediate retirement after being diagnosed with a brain tumor.

The Chicago Sun-Times reported on its Web site Monday that Novak's prognosis is "dire.''

The 77-year-old Novak told the paper that the tentative plan is for radiation and chemotherapy but details are being worked out with doctors this week.

Novak has been a columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times for decades. He announced late last month he has a brain. The revelation came less than a week after he struck a pedestrian with his Corvette and drove away.
It was less than a decade ago that Italy’s top criminal court ruled that it was impossible to rape a woman who was wearing jeans. The court concluded back then that nobody could forcibly remove a woman’s jeans unless she cooperated.

Since then, the court has changed its mind.

There's a point where my ability to mock just breaks down and dies and this is it. Sweet Enola Gay, son.
A bulldozer driver went on a rampage in Jerusalem on Tuesday, hitting vehicles near a hotel where U.S. Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is due to stay later in the day before he was shot dead.

Dammit, Hillary, stop jumping around, it's just Reuters, the people who brought us Queen Elizabeth commanding thousands of worker bees and the magical combination of two words which (I hope) had never been used together before in the English language: "beef panties."
sigma7: Sims (dammit)


( Jun. 13th, 2008 02:42 pm)
NBC's Tim Russert dead at 58.

A lot of journalists find it hard to balance objectivity with holding people accountable. Russert seemed to excel at it, especially recently. He wasn't perfect, but he was at the top of his game, certainly a voice of reason in an increasingly polarized field. A severe and painful loss to the industry, to politics and to American discourse.
Why would you go to the trouble of making a fake bus stop? As it turns out, there's a perfectly good -- if heartbreaking -- reason.

“It sounds funny,” said Old Lions Chairman Franz-Josef Goebel, “but it helps. Our members are 84 years-old on average. Their short-term memory hardly works at all, but the long-term memory is still active. They know the green and yellow bus sign and remember that waiting there means they will go home.” The result is that errant patients now wait for their trip home at the bus stop, before quickly forgetting why they were there in the first place.

“We will approach them and say that the bus is coming later today and invite them in to the home for a coffee,” said Mr Neureither. “Five minutes later they have completely forgotten they wanted to leave.”

If that's not the saddest thing you've heard today, try this Penny Arcade.

Story via Boing Boing, which has really outdone itself today: squirrel taxidermy, Broadcom founder accused of drugging executives ("Sex Lair? I thought they closed that place down!"), and new applications for Preparation H. You know, in case you've got a few tubes just laying around the house.
I'm still trying to get my blog legs back -- and recovering from a rather grueling session of Oblivion having started over from scratch mutter mutter -- so why not fall back on the old staple of memetic content?

Funny, because [livejournal.com profile] robing pointed out an interesting publication to me a few weeks ago -- Userpicks: Cyber Folk Art in the Early 21st Century (Google cache if their MySQL issues aren't yet resolved). It touches on the propagation of "OMG racecar bling bling" as it filters from [livejournal.com profile] metaquotes over into [livejournal.com profile] userpicks and results in quite a few variations on the theme rendered in 100x100 format (with shaky transparency via yours truly). Also featured: Oolong the pancake-wearing bunny and iconized variations of the iPod silhouette ads. It's an interesting read, if only to see me get my gender misidentified yet again. *shrug* And yet again, I exist in my ideal state -- as a case study, a warning to others.

So I steal the MP3 first-lyric meme from [livejournal.com profile] daethkow, cutting it for your sanity. Music of questionable quality follows. )


sigma7: Sims (Default)


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