If anyone's done this before (and it's not hard to believe someone has), I don't know about it. So, in the grand tradition of The Llama Song, I give you....

Note: the click-thru big version is 400x400 and over 4MB. So be warned.

Edit for derped HTML.

Double Edit for the video version. Sorry, no sung lyrics. You do not want to be subjected to my singing voice. It is a wretched, terrible thing.
sigma7: Sims (Default)
( May. 30th, 2012 08:33 pm)
Got to see The Avengers in IMAX 3D. UNF. Worth it, worth it, worth it. The movie has purchase on my soul now.

I am sick, but two of my favorite teams are winning: Boston, and whoever's playing Miami, so, bonus. Orlando will be sitting the rest of this one out, sadly enough. Wah. Throat scratchy, sounding like Christian Bale Batman. Uncool So here's something cool to alleviate it.

59 pics below.... )
So after being struck senseless by the digital effects in The Avengers, I wondered which movie I'd seen with the worst effects...and you know, I didn't even have to finish the thought in my mind. Of course it's Birdemic: Shock and Terror (entire thing online here, but...really, why?). No Syfy movie rivals its raw awfulness -- not Sharktopus, not Ice Twister nor Alien Tornado, or even, I'm sure, the upcoming (and I am not joking) Piranhaconda. It also helps that Birdemic's acting is a raw wad of suck, too.

Feel free to disagree with me, but you are wrong.

Anyway. Plenty of Avengers- (and really Coulson-) related images below, still. No huge spoilers, though, I don't think (about as many as in the last installment).

51 pics below.... )
Didn't like The Avengers? Then maybe you should just lay down and sit this one out. Yes, you'll probably notice a bit of...repetition, you know, because Nyan Cat and owls aren't repetitive enough on their own.

One pic is somewhat spoilery for the film, but not a game-breaker, I don't think. Feel free to correct me. Consider this impetus to see it. You got sick days, use 'em.

42 pics below.... )
Remember back when they unveiled the dream-team cast of The Avengers, with Joss Whedon helming it, and visions of sugarplums danced in our heads? Well, hope you put up your stocking, because this cinematic Christmas right here. Unabashed recommendation. It is everything you would expect in a Joss Whedon Avengers movie. Would like to know how non-comics fans (or especially anyone who hasn't seen any of the preceding films) felt.

But then, half of you reading this have seen it already and the other half have seen it twice.

I think that's the third time I've heard an audience cheer in a movie theater (the other times being Return of the Jedi and T2: Judgment Day), but that's probably because there aren't many conditions worth braving crowds and prolonged tedium for. (Though everyone at the jam-packed theater, who stood in lines that completely filled the lobby to the point where you couldn't tell where the movie line(s) and concession lines separated, was perfectly well-behaved and even courteous. No cell-phone lights, no blathering; you could hear a pin drop during the Dark Knight Returns trailer. Brilliant.) This film needs to be soaked in again. Glorious.
sigma7: Sims (scene missing)
( Jul. 25th, 2011 07:08 pm)
Hrm, so that was interesting. More on that later. Right now it's only 93 degrees and I can actually function, so just to break up the predictable sea of Cyrillic spam, here's actual content. Brace yourselves.

I've been digging through Rifftrax lately (short definition: commentary tracks of pure mockery), and I have to say, it's made (some) unwatchable movies watchable (I really can't recommend seeing the Twilight movies any other way) and introduced me to some particularly hideous cinematic misadventures -- two so bad that they appear on Wikipedia's list of films considered the worst. And rightly so.

First there's The Room, an incompetently-implemented vanity vehicle for its (sigh) writer, director and star of indeterminate accent and negligible talent. Allegedly cost $6 million to make, absolutely none of which shows on-screen, and everyone emotes and enunciates as if they'd just taken gulps from a punchbowl of quaaludes. It's a romantic drama without drama or romance or...redeeming qualities, really.

For the love of God, keep annotations enabled while you watch this.

And yet there's still Birdemic: Shock and Horror. Ever wonder if there's a quality of film that even SyFy won't show, or a level of special effect too embarrassing for basic cable? Here's a film with much loftier ambitions than The Room and even less watchability -- awful editing, acting, narrative and, without a doubt, the worst special effects I've ever seen. Period. If your four-year-old shot this on a Handycam you'd sit them down and gently encourage them to try again or, perhaps, take up piano instead.

I'm sure the director is quite enthusiastic, but enthusiasm does not necessarily translate to coherence or quality. Referred to by its director as a "romantic thriller," the veracity of which I will leave to you.

There, now Green Lantern doesn't look so bad, does it?
sigma7: Sims (trent)
( Jan. 25th, 2011 07:08 pm)
...bought The Social Network and finally watched it. Yes, loved it. Particularly the scene where Zuckerberg builds Facemash -- easily my favorite of the movie, and I was following every step of the way. Apache indexes, Emacs, wget...very yes.

Did not like the opening scene. I know the speech tempo was dialed up way past 11 for a reason, but wow, for a Sorkin script, that's too much. (I like rapid-fire dialogue, and I like Sorkin speech, but not necessarily together.) Thankfully, it got better.

Saddened -- but no surprise -- that Oscar will not nod Garfield's or Timberlake's direction, but Eisenberg might just pull this one off. Probably not Fincher and probably not the movie -- not in a year with The King's Speech on tap to pull down the big prizes, I think. (If only TKS were playing nearby....)

Stunned Daft Punk didn't pick up a nod for Best Original Score. But this just means the days between now and "Oscar-winner Trent Reznor" are so slightly numbered.

From a comment on Deadspin: “In high school I was (and perhaps still am) a recidivist quoter of Neilsen’s lines in Airplane! and the Police Squad/Naked Gun series. When graduation came around, I had some additional invites left over, and decided to send one to him just for shits and giggles. While he didn’t attend, he did send a nice congratulatory note and an autographed picture.

Years later I ran into him at a country club in Arizona, and I brought up the invitation and his nice response. He actually remembered it and was kind enough to spend a few minutes to chat with me. I saw him a few times after that, and each time he remembered me and took the time to talk and catch up. An awesome comedic actor and a great guy. RIP, Leslie.”
Things I never thought I'd say: there are ads recruiting video game testers and CIA agents on the Facebook page of Twilight's Magical Disappearing Armadillo.

Also, reference: the only way to watch the Twilight movies.
sigma7: Sims (scene missing)
( Aug. 8th, 2009 10:20 pm)
I've made many, many questionable choices in my life, but one of the more glaring has to be the night I rented both Ridley Scott's Alien and James Cameron's Aliens and watched them back to back.

No, not for the expected bouts of night terrors -- but because of two films that share a universe (or really even the vaguest sense of continuity), there aren't two as disparate as those two films. The former is an excellent deep-space Jaws, taking the unseen and unfathomable adversary to even greater extremes and with enough surprises to make for a pretty much unforgettable cinematic experience in and of itself. The latter, though, I have to say, has lodged in my heart as Cameron's best film, one that solidifies the species's mythology and vitality to such a degree that not even four abysmal follow-ups can kill the franchise outright. But it's not even the same genre as Alien -- it's an action-adventure of horrific nature, and when the first slow-paced, mostly expository act transitions into the second, you're invested in the foul-mouthed, entertainingly-flawed survivors (played by people you've never heard of before) in a way you just weren't with the ill-fated crew of the Nostromo.

And even after almost a quarter of a century, it holds up. Some of the effects are a bit dated, which is to be expected, but the performances and the script are still extremely tight, even with the Director's Cut. Yes, I'm watching it in DVD-quality for the first time, and it's a treat, having worn my VHS copy down to mulch long, long ago. And it's funny how cliché so much of it seems now -- space marines, squad-based combat, dropships, power loaders, the corporation, hive mentality -- when no single piece of media did more to establish them as cliché than this film (with Starship Troopers being a close second). But they work. My sole regret is seeing them in tandem -- that's never going to allow Alien to achieve in my mind what it really should be. It had years to solidify its place in the nexus of sci-fi and horror, and it had five minutes before the tape rewound and I popped in Aliens and Jim Cameron cranked the carnage up to crazy-go-nuts. (If Superman can have his franchise rebooted back to pre-Richard-Pryor days, surely they can rewind Ripley to even the first trailer to the Aliens sequel.)

So I'm hearing the hyperbole that's bubbling into the blogosphere re: Cameron's upcoming Avatar, and nothing I'm reading is making me feel it just yet. I'm sure the technology's going to be impressive, I'm sure we'll see millions of dollars in each frame of the film, but Cameron worries me. I'm no longer surprised when filmmakers become outed as fetishists, mistaking the technology for the craft, but in Cameron's case, I'd have a more tangible sense of loss if he disappears in a blizzard of CGI and a maze of render farms. He's shown more range and more depth than most filmmakers who've tumbled into the Lucas Pit, and I have more faith in his imagination than most. Fingers crossed.

But whatever December holds, I can always curl up with my colonial marine comfort food. "Someone wake up Hicks."
sigma7: Sims (Luna)
( Aug. 2nd, 2009 10:59 pm)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince bothers me. I haven't read the book -- really, none of the books save for the finalé -- but still, I got the idea that I was watching half of a really good movie. Even in a three-hour movie, how do you walk out wanting more? And worse, how do you walk out wanting less of the plot and more of the characters milling about in their natural environment? Weird, isn't it? There was no sense of wonder or intrigue in the plot, really, and maybe just a little sense of danger, heightened by one of the scenes (I understand) shoehorned in, not even in the original text. I don't know if Rowling or Yates fails here -- I'm putting more probability in the latter, though. Of all the scenes to omit, though, the end? Where's the closure, the curtain call for one of the mythology's iconic characters? Baffling. But by all means, let's see more Slughorn dinner parties. (Broadbent does a great job, even if I find his scenes a bit repetitive.) Maybe it's just me, but I walked out more than a little bit disappointed, despite the Hedwig content.

Speaking of disappointment, which sticks in your craw more: the idiot who brings his hyperactive and restless three-year-old to the movie, the child asking constant questions of the film's narrative in his outdoor voice and proceeds to run up and down the theater aisles when he gets restless -- or the idiot adult who, whenever he hears a funny line, while laughing, repeats what he thought he found funny to his companion? At least there was no instance of the obnoxious loud-talking frat boy with cell phone; thank God for summer matinees.

Upon reflection, I think I like Shaolin Soccer more than Kung Fu Hustle for just one reason: pacing. Soccer builds gradually, dialing up the, well, cinematic aspects slowly until reaching its peak in the film's climatic showdown with the Evil Team. I'm not sure Hustle has the same pace -- if Soccer dials up from 0 to 11, Hustle hits 11 at least an hour in, and keeps the throttle flooded for the rest of the film. And both films are fun -- it's just that Hustle's narrative arc doesn't keep pace with its audacity, and maybe that's what throws me off about it. Not that either film's worth missing -- they're live-action cartoons in the best way, ambitious and insane, and they know what they are and revel in it. Time well-spent.
sigma7: Sims (omgkitty)
( Jun. 18th, 2009 11:10 pm)
Via MGK: Girl dying of vascular cancer wants to see Up, but is too ill to go to the theater. Pixar to the rescue. But the details of this piece transcend any base summary, believe me: 94 inches, seven hours, eyes closed, the book.... Steel yourself before you read it, but know it won't do any good.
Count David Carradine among the people I'd never thought would actually die.
sigma7: Sims (ikhaaaaan)
( May. 23rd, 2009 07:21 pm)
Star Trek is every bit as good as I'd heard. I know, I can't believe it either. And I've been subjected to enough continuity reboots to loathe it on principle (and when I loathe on principle, I raise it to an art form). My two gripes, one simple, one not: let me show you them. )
sigma7: Sims (scene missing)
( Apr. 22nd, 2009 10:04 pm)
Yes, I have finally seen Twilight. However, I saw it with the RiffTrax commentary track, so I think I've seen it in its purest form. Possibly the best $4 I've spent in a long, long time. Finally a reason to revisit Cloverfield. I just need to get better at mashing together the DVDs....
sigma7: Sims (Newspaper)
( Apr. 17th, 2009 10:34 am)
State of Play: the last newspaper movie?

The film doesn’t so much lament the fall of the print media as the core of its story – it simply references it occasionally with bitterness. At the same time, the film is wrestling with everything that is wrong with the mainstream print media – internal bias, editorial control over a story, the interruption of ongoing police investigations for the sake of the scoop, the lean towards tabloid journalism and the desire to sell papers above getting the story straight.

...And really I might have let it slip past as a character quirk of a reporter watching his industry fade away – except that the film ends on a dour note with a loving, almost nostalgic look at the printing and distribution of a newspaper – from typesetting to curb. It was like one of those sequences you would see on Sesame Street when you were a kid or something. Only tinged with sadness. And while excellently assembled – I mean you could almost smell the ink on your hands – it certainly leaves one pondering the death of print.
Let me heartily recommend everyone watch the AMC version of Pulp Fiction, especially if you've seen the film before. I expect the humorous redubbings and awkward silences in mid-sentence -- the gimp is entirely excised, but more impressively, the Marvin-in-the-car scene is handled hysterically. Not as funny as the original scene, but funny in its own special way.

And, of course, if you haven't seen it already, well, you probably should, if only to catch up on the references to it on The Simpsons.


sigma7: Sims (Default)


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