Under anesthetic, subdivided and synthetic

No, not even close. Lest we forget:

Challenge: try to explain the arrest of Henry Louis Gates and the resulting kerfluffle -- culminating in the beer summit -- to someone who hadn't heard of it, without having to interrupt with "I'm not kidding, this really happened" whenever you pause for breath. But you have to, to get the full effect of Cambridge Cop Accidentally Arrests Henry Louis Gates Again During White House Meeting.

rewil brings word that Mr. I-Don't-Photoshop Except When I Can Get Away With It has released an...essay? I guess? I suppose it's to respond to the allegations against him, but it's hard to tell. It's one of the most obnoxiously pretentious and still somehow content-free pieces of shit I've read in a long, long time, so it's worth it for entertainment value and reinforcing the validity that any additional energy expended upon this "artist" is entirely wasted except as a cautionary tale to others, or possibly as an exercise in either steel-reinforced denial or merely merrily prancing about with the English language before beating it to death with the sledgehammer of the tortured misunderstood artist.

EA's not releasing its annual incremental roster patch for its NFL game for the PC for the second year in a row. I smell a spite-torrent or two. Pity Red Alert 3 wasn't worth seeding.

When the rape allegations regarding Ben Roethlisberger (oh God I can type that from memory now) surfaced, I skipped through my usual parade of web sites, pausing when I hit ESPN, thinking they just hadn't filed their story yet. No, as it turns out, they've taken a most curious stance toward the civil case re: Roethlisberger: speak no evil. It took the self-proclaimed worldwide leader in sports 48 hours to casually mention that there are allegations against the Super-Bowl-winning quarterback, and had any other story simmered in the background for two days, ESPN would kick itself for not covering it. ESPN's half-hearted defense is that the allegations are too weak to merit coverage and that ESPN doesn't cover civil suits -- but even a casual observer will remember allegations with similar if not equivalent levels of veracity trumpeted by the network against Kwame Brown or Larry Johnson. And if you do make the mistake of talking about Roethlisberger on ESPN airwaves, don't worry, they'll correct you soon enough. Is this a network just wanting to keep the premiere sports franchie (and business partner) and one of its brightest stars happy? Or just another manifestation of rape culture?

For the record, that last link explicitly says that suggesting the accuser may be a "lying gold-digger" is rape culture. Maybe I'm missing something, but to me that's just healthy skepticism -- I don't think leaping to a conclusion in either direction suits anyone at this juncture, and if someone wants to paint me with a brush of condemnation for not immediately grasping their standard and waving it frantically, then I guess I get painted. But that's another, much larger can of worms -- removed from the accusations themselves is the issue of ESPN's coverage of them, or lack thereof. It's inconsistent with precedent and its own mission as a purported newsgathering organization, and ultimately it damages their brand (unless they choose to go the route of so many cable channels and change their mission, from sports news to sports entertainment -- and cynics may well ask what the difference is and if that hasn't happened already). To report on allegations as allegations and not foregone conclusions shouldn't threaten Roethlisberger, the Steelers or the NFL, but it's a pity ESPN chose to capitulate. It's not discretion, it's cowardice, and no institution is better served by such.

Kansas City has traded everyone's favorite vegetarian Heimlich-maneuvering tight end to Atlanta for a puppy and some bits of string. And thus my expectations for the Chefs in '09 are now nil. Grr.

The story about MTV's plans to ignore music (sticking with one count 'em one new music program) and unveil 16 new reality shows (even The Onion would be a bit more charitable) is repulsive enough. But this quote makes me want to inflict severe pain every time I read it:

“These new series reflect Generation ‘Why Not?’ — living, working and playing on their own terms, ‘adventure capitalists’ if you will, pursuing a variety of thrill-seeking, 2.0, express-yourself enterprises,” says MTV entertainment president Brian Graden.

Yes, that's nine sheets of buzzword bingo filled out in one quote, and double-word score for throwing in "2.0" bereft of context.

Alaska Senator Ted "series of tubes" Stevens indicted, but, surprisingly, not by the metaphor police.

On behalf of journalists, would-be journalists, and people who've heard of journalists across the world, I would like to apologize to the rest of humanity for last night's debate in Philadelphia. Rest assured, if there is another debate at any point in the election cycle, I would rather see it moderated by Katie Couric, Guy Smiley and the staff of Weekly Reader than the idiots in charge of last night's debacle.

Stephanopoulos's vacuity shouldn't have been that surprising, but Gibson -- he should know better. At least he should pick his timing better -- the Couric experiment is nearing its end, and the next shift in network news will push away from investing extravagant sums in pretty-face anchors at the expense of content (if network news continues at all; the CBS/CNN partnership hasn't flown but the idea must've taken root in some suit's brain for it to have been floated at all). Unfortunately it's going to be every other person who calls themselves a journalist who'll bear the weight of last night's embarrassment by association with these two clowns.

Attention people of Earth: I am not interested in buying magazines from you to "help you go on a trip." I am not interested in the "leftover steaks" you have in the back of your truck. I am not interested in purchasing anything from you, if only because your attitude that the importance of your need to sell whatever it is you're peddling is somehow more important than the rare time I have to myself on a Saturday morning. If you believe banging on doors at random is a valid business plan, allow me to introduce you to reality of the harshest variety.

I have, heretofore, been altogether courteous and polite with my interactions with wandering salespeople. But I'm going to have to step up my game. I'm not planning on shooting through the door randomly as if I were beset by salesmoose, but the thought has occurred to me.

Edit: Twice in one morning? You have bothered me and rattled the birds. Now I'm all in a stabby mood.

Putting the "boo" in "boo-yah" --

A federal jury today awarded the father of a fallen Marine $2.9 million in compensatory damages after finding an anti-gay Kansas church and three of its leaders liable for invasion of privacy and intent to inflict emotional distress for picketing the Marine’s funeral in 2006.

The jury was to begin deliberating the size of punitive damages after receiving further instructions, although U.S. District Judge Richard Bennett noted the size of the compensatory award “far exceeds the net worth of the defendants,” according to financial statements filed with the court.

Dude, I've got lint that far exceeds the worth of those pieces of genetic refuse.

Google is wise:

Your search - "the skull of Norv Turner" - did not match any documents.

What is it about lazy editorials that brings out the worst in everyone?

Students and faculty members wearing "I am TB free!" T-shirts lined the front portico at the K-State Alumni Center on Friday afternoon prior to the State of the University address.

About 50 protesters showed their outrage against a Collegian column that ran Tuesday.

Students, faculty and staff members had a meeting Friday morning concerning the column, "Illegal immigrants bring diseases into States," and its line art from Sept. 11. Several protesters approached President Jon Wefald and Provost Duane Nellis prior to their address to inform them of the opinion column. Wefald told them he had no prior knowledge of the column and thanked them for the information.

...Paz said she would like the Collegian staff to censor its content a bit and also provide minority communities more space in the paper.

Okay, that statement is either a horrible paraphrase or an idiotic viewpoint. Editing is not censoring. Having standards is not censoring. Internally vetting content is not censoring. If Paz actually said the word "censor" or any derivation thereof, I'd be surprised. If Paz did say it, she's an idiot; if that's something that someone edited into the story, that someone should get fired for intentionally loading a source's language.

Since there's no link in the story, here's the original column. Also note that there's no caption for the picture, and the front-page at the bottom left hasn't worked for months now, and they've apparently already done the paper for next Wednesday already. That worries me more than an underclass poli-sci major's ranting.