Under anesthetic, subdivided and synthetic

As found on Reddit:

As I was being walked by a nurse to the operating room for my shoulder surgery, I told her about a bet I had made with my friends on how I would fight and win the anesthesia....

Seriously, read the whole thing. Worth it. In other news, my face still feels like someone dropped a refrigerator on it, but I better get used to it.

From Charles Stross via Joe's Twitter feed, a manifestation of the perils of using Google Translate for tech support:

松本武: This is question, engish is faulty therefore the right excused is requested. Thank google to translate to help. SORRY!!!!!

At often, the goat-time install a error is vomit. To how many times like the wind, a pole, and the dragon? Install 2,3 repeat, spank, vomit blows

14:14:01.869 - INFO
[edu.internet2.middleware.shibboleth.common.config.profile.JSPErrorHandlerBeanDefinitionParser:45] - Parsing configuration for JSP error handler.

Not precise the vomit but with aspect similar, is vomited concealed in fold of goat-time lumber? goat-time see like the wind, pole, and dragon? This insult to father's stones? JSP error handler with wind, pole, dragon with intercourse to goat-time? Or chance lack of skill with a goat-time?

Please apologize for your stupidity. There are a many thank you

Nate Klingenstein: 松本さん、 こんにちは。ネートです。

Googleの翻訳者は、無能であって、下品です。 (笑) 直接私にメールしてくださ い。 あなたは日本語で書くことができます。私はあなたを助けるつもりです。

Ja ne,
Neito.

Keith Hazelton: Please send your question in Japanese. As amusing as this is, it cannot be semantically decrypted

--Keith

Oh, God, BadLipReading has a TVTropes page. I have injured myself stifling giggles.



(If I had any spare time or a ton more talent, I would totally make a video for "Dirty Spaceman" using footage from the recently-concluded season of Doctor Who.)

I, personally, would like to hear more about Michael Bublé's porcupine, Zazoom, and why he's always around so many graves. Thank God I'm not alone.

"Conan! What is best in life?"

"Nyan cat and Unreal Tournament 3!"

Of course.

Because I'm bored and more than a little antsy today for some reason: the thoroughly-undocumented Motivational Poster Generator and Alignment Chart Generator. If interest materializes, I may just properly, er, label the forms to the point where things are a bit clearer. For now, let me endorse the trial-and-error style. You just might find something you weren't expecting.

Note: this is so pre-alpha it's right back around again to being omega. Consider it not even a work in progress, but more like a half-completed thought that someone didn't quite get around to finishing before walking away. Hopefully that doesn't end up being the case, but.... ( CV stands for.... )

gloomchen's officially launched Nihilism and Cupcakes, also available for your LJ RSSing needs at nihilismcupcakz. If you're into fitness/weight-loss/exercise/nutrition blogging filtered through a mindset that's realistic and positive but not necessarily pinky-pinkeriffic, give it a shot.

Via roseneko, it turns out the "I Write Like" meme is probably just a SEO scam, feeding off viral links to shill to budding authors. Which means everyone perched on ledges because their writing's been scientifically analyzed to be reminiscent of Dan Brown can calm back down. Not that we're expecting copy-n-paste memes to have AI or uncanny insight to begin with, I hope, but the idea could've been fun if...implemented better...or implemented at all, really.

If you missed that meme altogether, then you probably missed the >200 Old Spice response videos. Drink them in. That's how you market yourself via the Internet. My three keepers: 12755JDH ("In case, as your name suggests, you actually are a robot...."), George Stephanopolous ("Monocle smile!") and Anonymous ("The fish again"), but they're all fun. And don't miss the techno remix.

In other news, Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour hits shelves on Tuesday (hint: it's like Deathly Hallows, only with more Super Mario references), and the movie's only a month away. So I've been occupying myself by rewatching the first, second and international trailers. And the video game trailer. And the MTV Video Awards clip. And the Look Inside clip. And the avatar-maker (just can't quite get my hair right). Simple mind, simple pleasures.

Breaking news: bat loose in Congress. Yes, it's The Onion, but just because it's not true doesn't mean it's not real.

I'm not a creature for "plz pass along"s but some just need doing -- from legless123:

A good mate of mine who goes waaaay back to alt.tasteless days has asked me to beg you for a favour.

His friend, 19-year-old Casey is battling a painful form of bone cancer called osteosarcoma. Sadly, her cancer has metastasised into her lungs and right shoulder, and she will be having her right leg and part of her pelvis amputated this September because the chemotherapy she's going through made her leg so brittle it fractured just from walking on it.

A few weeks ago, Casey entered into a contest by Victoria's Secret. The prize is a trip to New York City for three days of pampering at a spa, hotel suite, $500 shopping spree and a tour of the city (although she seems to be more excited about being able to ride in an airplane for the first time).

As a special favour to me, please visit www.bodybyvictoria.com/#/Gallery/880 and cast a vote for Casey so she can experience this trip of a lifetime. Simply click on the blue heart next to her picture. You can vote once per day until the contest closes on September 14th.

Casey is currently at number 2 and I'd love her to win. Look at the hottie who's currently winning and then look at Casey again. Who really deserves to win? Give her a click.

P.S. Please pass this e-mail along to family & friends, and/or re-post it in your Facebook, MySpace, LiveJournal or Twitter!

Futurama returning without Billy West, John DiMaggio or Katey Sagal. Well, let me know how that turns out, I'll be watching C-SPAN instead.

Edit: If you wanted the Twilight saga told in Teen Girl Squad fashion, enjoy.