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Rotten Tomatoes reviews of Alone in the Dark. This has to be better than the movie, considering it has a staggering freshness rating of 1%.

"The three stars have seen better days, but I'd like to think they could still do something classier and more dignified than this. Like gay porn."

"Too stupid to watch, too loud to nap through, Alone in the Dark shows just how tenuous Plan Nine From Outer Space's hold on that 'worst movie ever' title really is."

"...asking the viewer to accept Tara Reid as a scientist is pure insanity, requiring a staggering leap of faith that I can't even begin to contemplate."

"This is jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring, 'I-can't- believe-someone- made-this-crap' badness we're dealing with."

"Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV."

Ouch.

You're soaking in it

Because with a million Americans in poverty, our educational infrastructure in gross disrepair and an extended military campaign overseas, the real burning issue of our times is a talking quasi-anthropomorphic sponge spreading the radical idea that maybe hate's not a great thing, for God's sake. But hey, it brings us a particular nugget of insight courtesy of dragonscholar:

A "homosexuality detection expert" at the similarly conservative Family Research Council told the NY Times that words like "tolerance" and "diversity" are part of a "coded language that is regularly used by the homosexual community."

First, "tolerance" and "diversity" are code-words? So are such silly ideas as "love" and "understanding," I guess. Jesus, so "tolerance" isn't even an acceptable concept anymore, it just equates to the homosexual community? What? (No, seriously, you do know there's another testament, don't you? Or do you just quit reading when you get to the first part you like?)

But more importantly, where do you get a degree for a career in the groundbreaking field of "homosexuality detection expert" anyhow? Is this something MIT's been working on with covert government funding? Is there a special over-the-horizon gaydar array?