Topeka wises up -- but barely

Topeka — Voters here Tuesday night narrowly rejected repealing an anti-discrimination ordinance, an effort led by the Rev. Fred Phelps Sr., known for his church's intense anti-gay pickets in the Kansas capital and across the nation.

And one of Phelps' granddaughters fell far short in her efforts to unseat an openly gay member of the City Council.

Phelps sought to remove from the books a city ordinance that prohibits discrimination against gays in municipal hiring. The repeal measure also would have barred Topeka from reinstating such protections for 10 years.

In final, unofficial results, 53 percent opposed the repeal, with 14,285 voting "no," and 12,795 voting "yes."

Score one for the good guys, but I'm still not moving there.

The Onion eases the pain

Ken Jennings Mistaken For Subway's Jared Again
MURRAY, UT—Ken Jennings, who rose to mid-level fame by winning a record $2.5 million on Jeopardy last year, was erroneously identified as Subway restaurant pitchman Jared Fogle again Monday. "Today a woman at the post office came up and congratulated me for losing all that weight," Jennings said. "That happens all the time. I guess people recognize me from television, but mix up where they saw me." Jennings added that he usually tries to inform people of their mistake in the form of a question: "What is your problem?"

Gmail User Pities Hotmail User
OLYMPIA, WA—Recent Gmail convert William Ramsak, 23, said Monday that his "heart goes out to" friend Kelly Oldenburg, who still sends e-mail through an MSN Hotmail account. "I feel so bad for you, needing to squeeze into 250 MB of storage space," Ramsak wrote to Oldenburg in an e-mail. "And I hate thinking of you sorting all your old e-mail, while Gmail automatically indexes mine so they are searchable." Ramsak then asked Oldenburg when he was going to "stop being a Microstooge and join Team G."

Schiavo's Right To Die
"If we allow one brain-dead Floridian to die, what's to stop us from extending that policy to include the rest of the state?"
"With proper treatment, Terri Schiavo could have gone on to live a long and... long life."

Horoscopes
Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
Many major changes are ahead for you this week, but you'll probably give most of your attention to the changes involving temperature, altitude, and brain activity. (Oooo!)
Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
Nothing you've been told will prepare you for the pain of childbirth, especially when your daughter bursts from your brow, decapitating you instantly.

Nothing as profane as Romanowski

To the NFL it's naughty to be "GAY" but OK to be "BIN LADEN." You can be a "NAZI" but not a "LESBIAN." Even a gay man with the last name Gay can't buy a jersey.

This rather bizarre conclusion is reached when trying to order a personalized jersey from the NFL Shop, the online merchandise site run by the league. Anyone trying to buy a jersey with the single word "GAY" or "LESBIAN" or "GAY PRIDE" on the back gets a rejection message that states: "This field should not contain a naughty word."