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Spent some time the other day perusing ooooold LJ entries. It was educational. Lately I've been entirely too forgiving, I think, and find myself asking why I'm not a little more gracious to some of the people tangentially connected to me. And then I revisit the absolute havoc they inflicted in my life and the lives of those people important to me, whether intentionally or obliviously, and I'm not sure which is worse.
On a good day, maybe I'm capable of giving a second chance. And there've been plenty of people in my life who've benefited from them, and I've certainly used those in bulk even from my most casual acquaintances. But my life's too short, my time's too damned important for thirdsies. I think it's late enough in the day to be a bit more selective in my endeavors.
I'm surrounded by good and gracious people, though, and I watch them try, exercising the gentler parts of their personality -- and I benefit from that aspect, as much as anyone. So I can't really tell them who is an who isn't a worthwhile investment of their forgiveness. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm just not strong enough to persevere in the wake of so much history, and maybe there's more goodness than I'm willing to see. I'd like to be proven wrong.
But I'm not.
On a good day, maybe I'm capable of giving a second chance. And there've been plenty of people in my life who've benefited from them, and I've certainly used those in bulk even from my most casual acquaintances. But my life's too short, my time's too damned important for thirdsies. I think it's late enough in the day to be a bit more selective in my endeavors.
I'm surrounded by good and gracious people, though, and I watch them try, exercising the gentler parts of their personality -- and I benefit from that aspect, as much as anyone. So I can't really tell them who is an who isn't a worthwhile investment of their forgiveness. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm just not strong enough to persevere in the wake of so much history, and maybe there's more goodness than I'm willing to see. I'd like to be proven wrong.
But I'm not.
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