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Dude. I just...I.... Dude.
NESS CITY — Law officers in western Kansas are investigating the bizarre case of a woman they say sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years.
Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said the boyfriend called his office late last month to report that something was wrong with his girlfriend.
The sheriff said the woman's muscles had atrophied and that medical personnel had to remove her from the toilet because she was bound to it by "natural means."
Moar: The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that “there was something wrong with his girlfriend,” Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.
Because that's the fast-paced jet-set lifestyle of Ness City. Sometimes things just happen too fast. One minute you're living the American dream, the next you realize your girlfriend has spent two years in the bathroom.
Edit: The first story's answered some questions that've cropped up:
"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body. It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself," Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said in a telephone interview, adding that it appeared her body fat had grown attached to the seat....
...The house had another bathroom he could use.
NESS CITY — Law officers in western Kansas are investigating the bizarre case of a woman they say sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years.
Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said the boyfriend called his office late last month to report that something was wrong with his girlfriend.
The sheriff said the woman's muscles had atrophied and that medical personnel had to remove her from the toilet because she was bound to it by "natural means."
Moar: The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that “there was something wrong with his girlfriend,” Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.
Because that's the fast-paced jet-set lifestyle of Ness City. Sometimes things just happen too fast. One minute you're living the American dream, the next you realize your girlfriend has spent two years in the bathroom.
Edit: The first story's answered some questions that've cropped up:
"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body. It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself," Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said in a telephone interview, adding that it appeared her body fat had grown attached to the seat....
...The house had another bathroom he could use.
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Surely a Collegian alumn is at the Ness City paper? Call them and see if you can get the story that didn't get printed.
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Sadly, my contacts from that area are no longer Ness City bound, and we've drifted far enough apart that communication would be awkward at best. Hrm. Let me see what I can do.
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I am soooo proud of my Western Kansas heritage at this moment... *headdesk*
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I'm guessing that the "boyfriend" has been using bathroom facilities elsewhere. (Actually, now that I think about it, I don't even want to know.)
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CAN I BORROW UR BATHROOM NAO?
...
No, really, this is a whole new unexplored world of DO NOT WANT.
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yet all i can do is stare at the monitor