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Because I thought that more than a few of us have been...how shall we say...transitional, lately, and since I haven't done this in, oh, 14 months or so...how about a little indulgence?
In case you've forgotten, meet our heroes. This is Goddamn Batman, aspiring tap-dancer who seems to have forgotten than his parents are DEAAAAAD -- along with his butler's first name.
This is the new missus, Zatanna Batman, former mayor, current city planner, full-time witch with a parade of exes that would make Scott Pilgrim gnaw his own foot off. But that's for later.
Goddamn loves laying down fresh beats in his studio upstairs almost as much as he loves painting pictures of himself and his new wifey.
Not that the Batman household is particularly hurting -- scraping just shy of millionaire status -- but Z's pulling in a pretty solid sum as a city planner.
And she's socially-adept, too. (Remember the thing about the exes? I wasn't lying.)
Well, Makoto's not impressed, but Makoto's never impressed.
"...And then Power Girl held him down and I broke his nose in four places!"
"Yes, yes, very nice, ma'am. I need to dredge the garbage disposal now. It's dreadfully important, you realize."
"Boo! I'm a sumo wrestler!"
"Oh! My frail heart! I am afraid I am stricken and I shall soon expire from the stress brought about by my cruel employer..."
"...you see, ma'am, that's precisely what would've happened had my atrial valve *not* been replaced after the Battle of Wolf Creek. I would advise, ma'am, that it would not be wise to toy with the mental and physical health of an elderly man..."
"...who knows where you sleep."
In other news, tapdancing isn't a madly lucrative field. This just in.
But the fringe benefits! The snazzy dress! ...Seriously, this outfit would be bad enough without the cowl and the cape, but it's purely Goddamn's dedication to both his identity and his craft that lead to this calamitous collision of couture. The first time I saw it out of the corner of my eye I thought Zatanna was under attack by Abra Kadabra somehow.
Meanwhile, speaking of, Zatanna's dabbling in the dark arts, just because I find them...more entertaining. Sue me. Insert artificial shoehorned arc about the dark side or corruption via absolute power or something, or maybe she's just bored and wants to cover people in bees. Is that a such a crime?
Meanwhile, Goddamn Batman wants to buy a violin. Well, of *course* he does, but just because he *wants* it doesn't mean that he's going....
...Seriously, who'm I kidding?
The magicienne is screwing with the computer while Goddamn Batman fiddles in the living room. Someone needed to spend a little more time translating this particular prophecy of Nostradamus.
7:30 am: Zatanna Batman discovers Chatroulette.
7:31 am: Zatanna Batman blocks Chatroulette at the firewall.
Zatanna wanted a car. Tell me you can say 'no' to that face. YOU CANNOT, YOU LIE.
Hrm. Hey, Bats, this is God, quick suggestion, if you could....
...okay, then.
(No YouTube link until I get it censored. Might be some work, but worth it for the O-face.)
Aw, such a sweet and tender moment between the two oHEY WHERE'D YOU COME FROM BLONDIE?
Blondie disappears before she can be interrogated, and Goddamn spends his time fiddling while Zatanna sharing obscene details with her friends and making "Batman Begins" jokes.
File under mildly inexplicable: as Goddamn's heading off to tapapalooza, this sad, Scrabble-accident-named dolt comes out of nowhere and dumps the garbage can right in front of him. And you can see Goddamn looking down like, "Dude, dick," while only taking the time to put the can up and get into the car.
"Yeh, I dumped your garbage out, now you're at work, what'cha gon' do about it, dark kniggit?"
*slow motion, ominous guitar solo in background*
"Ma'am. Ma'am! Do not do this! Anger is the way to hate, and hate is the way to suffering, or...something else, something worse, I forget which. Either way. Regardless. Whatever you do here it will have profound repercussions in the future, repercussions I will be forced to clean up!"
"All right, you tiny little toad-man, I hope you've got an epi-pen handy. EB DEREHTALS NI A TNERROT FO GNIGNITS, SUOICIV SEEB TAHT LLIW...."
"Ma'am? He's gone. Off the lot."
*wail*
Oh, come on. Point out one canonical instance wherein the Goddamn Batman has ever lost a thumbwrestling match. YOU CANNOT.
HE DIDN'T LOSE. Therefore this is still AS GOOD AS CANON. (Argue with my logic, but it's still better than Cry For Justice.)
This is a lot more depressing than I thought it would be. And when he got home, Goddamn just slogged his way upstairs and went straight to bed. I don't blame him.
"I've 34 years of fine culinary training. I'm an expert in two martial arts. I speak five languages. I am versed in several forms of diplomatic protocol. And yet I am not afforded a cost-of-living increase. In that case, today's breakfast special is the strawberry Pop-Tart, served in two stacks of four."
Oh, why the hell not? They're not hurting for money and it's not like losing her job's going to cripple the family....
Mmmm. Yay. Money. Tremendous. And holding his face in his hands a tear-soaked Goddamn exclaims "Buh I just wanna dance!"
And then he picks up an axe.
Better angle.
HWAAA!
"Pleased" is an acceptable reaction, but I'm still used to a more stoic face and a bit less of a vacant toothy grin.
Yeah, it's the axe-throwing target thing, he's not just chucking axes randomly around town. Now *that* would be a hell of a mod.
In case you've forgotten, meet our heroes. This is Goddamn Batman, aspiring tap-dancer who seems to have forgotten than his parents are DEAAAAAD -- along with his butler's first name.
This is the new missus, Zatanna Batman, former mayor, current city planner, full-time witch with a parade of exes that would make Scott Pilgrim gnaw his own foot off. But that's for later.
Goddamn loves laying down fresh beats in his studio upstairs almost as much as he loves painting pictures of himself and his new wifey.
Not that the Batman household is particularly hurting -- scraping just shy of millionaire status -- but Z's pulling in a pretty solid sum as a city planner.
And she's socially-adept, too. (Remember the thing about the exes? I wasn't lying.)
Well, Makoto's not impressed, but Makoto's never impressed.
"...And then Power Girl held him down and I broke his nose in four places!"
"Yes, yes, very nice, ma'am. I need to dredge the garbage disposal now. It's dreadfully important, you realize."
"Boo! I'm a sumo wrestler!"
"Oh! My frail heart! I am afraid I am stricken and I shall soon expire from the stress brought about by my cruel employer..."
"...you see, ma'am, that's precisely what would've happened had my atrial valve *not* been replaced after the Battle of Wolf Creek. I would advise, ma'am, that it would not be wise to toy with the mental and physical health of an elderly man..."
"...who knows where you sleep."
In other news, tapdancing isn't a madly lucrative field. This just in.
But the fringe benefits! The snazzy dress! ...Seriously, this outfit would be bad enough without the cowl and the cape, but it's purely Goddamn's dedication to both his identity and his craft that lead to this calamitous collision of couture. The first time I saw it out of the corner of my eye I thought Zatanna was under attack by Abra Kadabra somehow.
Meanwhile, speaking of, Zatanna's dabbling in the dark arts, just because I find them...more entertaining. Sue me. Insert artificial shoehorned arc about the dark side or corruption via absolute power or something, or maybe she's just bored and wants to cover people in bees. Is that a such a crime?
Meanwhile, Goddamn Batman wants to buy a violin. Well, of *course* he does, but just because he *wants* it doesn't mean that he's going....
...Seriously, who'm I kidding?
The magicienne is screwing with the computer while Goddamn Batman fiddles in the living room. Someone needed to spend a little more time translating this particular prophecy of Nostradamus.
7:30 am: Zatanna Batman discovers Chatroulette.
7:31 am: Zatanna Batman blocks Chatroulette at the firewall.
Zatanna wanted a car. Tell me you can say 'no' to that face. YOU CANNOT, YOU LIE.
Hrm. Hey, Bats, this is God, quick suggestion, if you could....
...okay, then.
(No YouTube link until I get it censored. Might be some work, but worth it for the O-face.)
Aw, such a sweet and tender moment between the two oHEY WHERE'D YOU COME FROM BLONDIE?
Blondie disappears before she can be interrogated, and Goddamn spends his time fiddling while Zatanna sharing obscene details with her friends and making "Batman Begins" jokes.
File under mildly inexplicable: as Goddamn's heading off to tapapalooza, this sad, Scrabble-accident-named dolt comes out of nowhere and dumps the garbage can right in front of him. And you can see Goddamn looking down like, "Dude, dick," while only taking the time to put the can up and get into the car.
"Yeh, I dumped your garbage out, now you're at work, what'cha gon' do about it, dark kniggit?"
*slow motion, ominous guitar solo in background*
"Ma'am. Ma'am! Do not do this! Anger is the way to hate, and hate is the way to suffering, or...something else, something worse, I forget which. Either way. Regardless. Whatever you do here it will have profound repercussions in the future, repercussions I will be forced to clean up!"
"All right, you tiny little toad-man, I hope you've got an epi-pen handy. EB DEREHTALS NI A TNERROT FO GNIGNITS, SUOICIV SEEB TAHT LLIW...."
"Ma'am? He's gone. Off the lot."
*wail*
Oh, come on. Point out one canonical instance wherein the Goddamn Batman has ever lost a thumbwrestling match. YOU CANNOT.
HE DIDN'T LOSE. Therefore this is still AS GOOD AS CANON. (Argue with my logic, but it's still better than Cry For Justice.)
This is a lot more depressing than I thought it would be. And when he got home, Goddamn just slogged his way upstairs and went straight to bed. I don't blame him.
"I've 34 years of fine culinary training. I'm an expert in two martial arts. I speak five languages. I am versed in several forms of diplomatic protocol. And yet I am not afforded a cost-of-living increase. In that case, today's breakfast special is the strawberry Pop-Tart, served in two stacks of four."
Oh, why the hell not? They're not hurting for money and it's not like losing her job's going to cripple the family....
Mmmm. Yay. Money. Tremendous. And holding his face in his hands a tear-soaked Goddamn exclaims "Buh I just wanna dance!"
And then he picks up an axe.
Better angle.
HWAAA!
"Pleased" is an acceptable reaction, but I'm still used to a more stoic face and a bit less of a vacant toothy grin.
Yeah, it's the axe-throwing target thing, he's not just chucking axes randomly around town. Now *that* would be a hell of a mod.
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You know, if I were his employer, I'd be paranoid forever more. You just demoted the Goddamn Batman. Talk about putting a target on your ass.
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I have missed this SO. MUCH.
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Congrats. I can't breathe now. :D
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(It can't *possibly* have been *that* long since the last episode-- can it?)
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Meanwhile, he might want to watch the job performance, lest we have a depressed man in tights screaming 'My career is DEAAAAAD!' ;-)
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Pleased to see the Goddamn Batman is back.
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With all his love for music and dance, I feel he may be happier at home practicing either, as well as the obligatory axe-throwing. That look of him in his tap-costume is hilarious, but his face just screams to be let out of it.
And then we have the butler: "Let's see if Goddamn Batman realizes we switched his toaster strudels with poptarts."
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