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Seen on ESPN's front page: "The Sports Guy says college football's best conference is the mighty NFC." 1. Sigh. I assume you mean the NFL, but when you're talking about the NFC, it's hard to tell. 2. You're utterly wrong, as the inter-conference results and team records indicate, with a possibility of a nine- or ten-win team from the AFC not qualifying for the playoffs, but let's not sully this with numbers. 3. Jesus, enough of the "Sports Guy" crap. Honestly, there are a handful of people who give half a crap about a "Sports Guy" cartoon, and their last names are all "Simmons." 4. Do you have a given name or not? What kind of arrogance does it take to call yourself "the Sports Guy," anyway? Wolf Blitzer doesn't call himself "the News Guy," nor Al Roker himself the "Weather Guy." We're not impressed. Use your damn name, already.
Rrgh.
If possible, even more cerebrally-challenged sports news -- Barry Bonds testified a year ago that he used steroids but didn't know they were steroids. Yeah, right. For such a charming man to be so cagey and suspicious of MLB and yet to give his trainer $35K for "flaxseed oil" just screams ludicrous. And despite being told so during his testimony -- Yeah, Barry, that gunk just happens to be a steroid, by the way -- that hasn't stopped any of his repeated denials since testifying. The ESPN poll indicates 85 percent of responders don't believe him. It doesn't help that Bonds has the media savvy of a rabid pitbull and could care less how you feel about him as long as he gets his $17 million a year. Here's to your health, Barry. Have you taken a look at your pituitary gland lately?
Muffin has discovered Runts. Muffin wants them. Daddy keeps trying to eat them covertly, but Muffin hears the rustle of the bag and tears after them. He will bite and tug at my fingers if I close them around the Runts. If I pop them into my mouth, he nips at my lips and will sometimes try to stick his head in my mouth looking for the Runts. Perhaps he's being spoiled.
Rrgh.
If possible, even more cerebrally-challenged sports news -- Barry Bonds testified a year ago that he used steroids but didn't know they were steroids. Yeah, right. For such a charming man to be so cagey and suspicious of MLB and yet to give his trainer $35K for "flaxseed oil" just screams ludicrous. And despite being told so during his testimony -- Yeah, Barry, that gunk just happens to be a steroid, by the way -- that hasn't stopped any of his repeated denials since testifying. The ESPN poll indicates 85 percent of responders don't believe him. It doesn't help that Bonds has the media savvy of a rabid pitbull and could care less how you feel about him as long as he gets his $17 million a year. Here's to your health, Barry. Have you taken a look at your pituitary gland lately?
Muffin has discovered Runts. Muffin wants them. Daddy keeps trying to eat them covertly, but Muffin hears the rustle of the bag and tears after them. He will bite and tug at my fingers if I close them around the Runts. If I pop them into my mouth, he nips at my lips and will sometimes try to stick his head in my mouth looking for the Runts. Perhaps he's being spoiled.
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Anyway, re: Bonds. Great job, you dink. Being sullen and withdrawn and pissy really worked wonders for your public relations now that the REAL sh*t has hit the fan.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. He is one of the best baseball players we've seen in my lifetime, and steroids don't affect your batting or fielding average, but they DO give a little bounce in the stats that fans and media whore-types all care about: Home Runs. When he can knock around 700+ home runs while three sheets to the wind and recovering from crabs, with a body fat percentage in the 20's then MAYBE he can start comparing himself to The Babe, but only if he picks up a decent fastball and curveball, Babe was a pitcher too.
He's spent his entire career alienating and pissing off fans and sportswriters, and only a few writers had the gumption to actually stand up for The Jerk. I wonder if Ralph Wiley knew what Bonds had testified before he died. I wonder if finding out is what caused the heart attack.
Ralph, loved ya, but it was never a race issue. The issue was that Bonds was a jerk to everyone, and he was juicing. And now it appears he helped traffic the stuff a little too, according to Gary Sheffield. That puts him a couple of couple of blindside hits away from Bill Romanowski on the detestability scale.
It's ironic, he wanted to be compared favorably to Babe Ruth. He's been almost obsessed with it. Turns out he'll be compared more to Ty Cobb as the years progress.
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There may be some truth to that -- if he makes a cheep-cheep outside of his cage, I know to let him hop onto my finger and I put my arm in the cage and he takes a couple of drinks of water, and he stops, at which point he wants to be lifted back out of the cage....
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What's the difference? ;-)
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By the way, I'm sure you know this, but "The Sports Guy" started his sports career as "The Boston Sports Guy." I think he should go back to the name. Call it truth in advertising.
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Actually, I didn't. I'm not overly enthralled with media personalities. Not nearly as much as ESPN wants me to be, anyway. It's not like there's nothing else on the Internet to do.
And I concur on the name. And he'd probably be very proud to do so after the Sox win. But I imagine he doesn't want to limit his broad-market appeal. Whatever that is.
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Um, I've seen several bits over the years where you see things like "Nebraska's football team would be in first place in the NFC Central" (well, certainly not this year, but you get the point). The joke here is that the NFC is so bad, they shouldn't even be considered a pro conference but rather are (mostly) playing only at excellent college level ability.
Of course, it would've made a lot more sense if the actual column had played on the riff.
And his first name is Bill. It's in the sidebar of his subsite in several places.
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That occured to me, but I -- like you -- was waiting for that shoe to drop in the column. And I'm not sure I wouldn't take the Big 12 South over the NFC right about now. (Honestly, though, the NCAA's best will still get thrashed by the NFL's worst -- it's just hard to keep that in mind while watching Arizona vs. San Fran.)
And his first name is Bill. It's in the sidebar of his subsite in several places.
Yeah, I just get a little cross when sites try to sell me a columnist as opposed to what they have to say. ESPN tends to err more on the side of pushing a personality than a perspective lately, and it's grating. But I tuned him out during baseball season -- dead bored until the playoffs. He believes in Sandy Eggo. He's a BoSox fan. I can cut him some slack.
And ESPN's still doing better than CNN, which has had the name "Sellig" (sic) on its front page since early this afternoon. D'oh.
Going to be keepin' tabs on the LSH relaunch?
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As for ESPN in general, I suppose I do have to like that they took Skip Bayless off the hands of the local San Jose paper (although I don't know the details of just how the transfer went; whether they made him a better offer, whether the Murky-Snooze encouraged it, or what). My take on Bayless was that he had the perfectly descriptive name; after reading his columns, I wanted to Skip them, and I would've liked it if he'd Bay(ed) less (far as I could tell, guy had the ego the size of a stadium and felt he was always right and it was our privilege to get to hear his opinions...but I didn't think he was correct particularly often, and it was obvious he was running personal grudges against a number of folk).
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