The column I wish I'd written

Yesterday was made of suck and fail. Today is, at least, a different day, and I'm holding onto a bit of hope that things will get better. And here's the first encouraging sign: "Oh, Shit! What Day Is It?" by Punxsutawney Phil.

Do I not have a cow icon? Huh.

"I want the next cow that has to go out there and stand on the street to have better protection than I had," she said.

What, you want context? Okay. "Chick-Fil-A Cow Mascot Nearly Attacked, Fired."