Pigskin miscellany

[sigma7]

Oh, Tony Romo. You're playing so badly that you're pissing me off, and I don't like you or the Cowboys. Please keep it up; it's hysterical. Also, Calvin Johnson -- damn. You have earned the right to call yourself "Megatron" or whatever other Transformers-based nickname you want. Though "Calvinus Prime" still has a certain ring to it. Also tests positive for energon cubes.

Damn, break up da Chefs! No more #32 in the power rankings no more! I'm sure Ryan Succop is all, "Who's Mr. Irrelevant now, bitches?" Also, if I were a quarterback in this league, the first thing I would be afraid of is Tamba Hali. Force of nature, that man.

Redskins safety Oshiomogho Atogwe is a comic book geek. “The Red Hulk’s craaazy. Craaaaaaaaazy.” I can't tell you how happy this makes me.

Houston would've beaten Pittsburgh by about a billion points if they hadn't tried to systematically commit every penalty in the playbook. Made the game more watchable, at least.

I give Tony Sparano 18 more hours of employment at best. (Note quarterbacks playing against San Diego: account for Eric Weddle on every play in the last six minutes of the game.) Also my favorite description of Philip Rivers in a long time -- "who one of these days will forget to release the ball at the end of his motion and wind up throwing himself fifty yards." [Edit: okay, so apparently he's safe through the bye week. What. The. Hell. If you're going to make a coaching change mid-season (and given Miami's 0-4 record and disgusting public flirtation with the now-taken Jim Harbaugh, do you really see this relationship panning out?), do it during the bye week. Give your team some time to adapt. Unless, of course, you've written off the season already, and honestly, firing your coach is a pretty telltale sign that you have.]

Also, AH HAAA HAAA HAAA WISCONSIN BWAAAA HYAAA HURR HAAA HUK KUH COUGH COUGH HRMMYEAAAHH HAAA HAAA etc.

In other news, my NCAA Football 12 Road to Glory running back is just starting his junior year, having won the Heisman his sophomore year. Oh, and leading his team to two perfect undefeated consecutive seasons (beating Utah in the Orange Bowl last year). Naturally, they're ranked 19th going into the next season. The polling AI is still appallingly lifelike in its capriciousness. Probably because our QB is dumber than a bag of hammers and thinks (along with our coach) that he's an option threat (hint: he's not -- ranked 76 overall, which confers the speed and agility of your average kitchen stove) and gives up on passing plays before anyone can run a route. If I could, I'd totally organize a soap party with the rest of the team. I just hope he's graduating soon.

Also, Arrested Development is comiOH COME ON YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR YEARS SHUT UP AND DO IT AND STOP TAUNTING ME DAMMIT.

Finally -- congrats, homecoming queen Mariah Slick.

Comments

[patchsassy.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I'm laughing at Nebraska too. And A&M while I'm at it. HAAAAAAAA.

I finally got to the point that I put on Facebook that I wasn't posting about sports anymore because there are too many people there who are children and can't handle it. This was in response to the Texas A&M fan blocking me because I pointed out last week that her team giving up a 17-point halftime lead probably had less to do with the referees (who were the blame. THEY'RE OUT TO GET A&M, DON'T YOU KNOW?!) and more to do with A&M's sucky ass defense.

Oh, and there might have been something thrown in a few weeks before that about how A&M probably shouldn't whine about the LHN, since they were offered in, and they cannot have it both ways. Then again, they're A&M fans. Sense of entitlement + extremely predisposition for whining incessantly = Texas A&M. (If you didn't read Ivan Maisel's column about A&M when they officially were accepted to the SEC, you should. It was HILARIOUS.)

Apparently, four out of the five teams who jumped conferences recently (A&M, Nebraska, Utah, Colorado) lost yesterday. Pardon me while I point and laugh at their misfortunes.

[dvandom.livejournal.com]

I don't see Nebraska having a better week next week either, against Ohio State. I seem to recall a time when the top three were always some reordering of Nebraska, Florida and Florida State...clearly no longer the case.

[patchsassy.livejournal.com]

But this is also not the Ohio State of old. They'll have their suspended players back, but how much can they impact a team that limped to beat Toledo in the Horseshoe and has lost to Miami and Michigan State?

[sigma7.livejournal.com]

The Huskers were blissfully mediocre for a while after firing Frank Solich for having the temerity to lead the team to a mere 10-3 season and hiring Oakland Raiders castoff Bill Callahan. I confess to being gleeful after hearing about the replacement, because Callahan is about as talented a coaching mind as an arsenic-laced potato with a headset. He kept trying to force an option-based team into a West Coast offense, about like dressing a cat in a bee suit and expecting it to fly. Four years and a 27-22 record later -- abysmal for any team that thinks as highly of itself as Nebraska -- he was finally canned, and they hired Bo Pelini, who is pretty decent.

But yeah, I miss Bill Callahan.

[sigma7.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't have been able to suppress the urge to yell something like "Shut the hell up, Aggie-lover, and GTFO my conference already!"

I'm really sad that I can't edit the entire college roster in my NCAA game, or else I'd do what I used to do for Madden on the PC and dock every Nebraska player's statistic about 30 points across the board. There's no good way to do that on the PS3, but the new version allows for conference remapping, to a degree, and replacing schools with user-built ones, so Nebraska is always the first to go, typically replaced by Reznor University or maybe Gotham City.