Under anesthetic, subdivided and synthetic

I'm stealing Jim Romenesko's brilliant summary of this story because my brain's too wigged out to process it properly: After a successful heart transplant in 2004, Andrew Busskohl said he wanted to become a surgeon. Now 18, the guy is accused of coming up with a chilling plan that called for cutting out the heart or eyelids of his potential victim. He told cops he started having thoughts of harming others months ago, and that "if at all possible, it would only be a complete stranger."

What you can, can't have on your license plate in Colorado.

GAY and FAG are on the prohibited list but FGT isn't. Nor can you drive like HEL or have a DUI, although you could be stopped for D.U.I. You can't be a COP or with the CIA, FBI or CSP, but your plate can say DPD.

You'll find no HOE, HOR or HQR cruising the streets.

Doesn't it stink that you can't have a plate that says PEW? No POO or PEE either. You can't be DUM although you can drive like you are. And is it unfair that the crazy woman driver ahead of you can't get a plate with PMS on it, or the road-rager guy can't have SOB?

And you won't get a UFO plate no matter how bizarre your ride looks.

Even if you're Just Married, you can't get WED. And HUY may seem innocuous unless you speak Russian. But take it from us, you wouldn't drive around Moscow with it.

Your plate can't be a JEW or a JAP or a HUN or a WOP. GOD can't be your co-pilot. Nor can DOG or an ark of living creatures including CAT, SOW, PUP, APE, PIG, HOG, HEN, RAT and BUG, although you might wish the state could ban the ones smeared across your windshield.

Perhaps the oddest prohibition is the seemingly harmless MOO. Is the state afraid you might get a chuckle at the red light if you stopped behind a car that mooed?

Of course, none of these can top the glory of Florida's A55 RGY.

A bulldozer driver went on a rampage in Jerusalem on Tuesday, hitting vehicles near a hotel where U.S. Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is due to stay later in the day before he was shot dead.

Dammit, Hillary, stop jumping around, it's just Reuters, the people who brought us Queen Elizabeth commanding thousands of worker bees and the magical combination of two words which (I hope) had never been used together before in the English language: "beef panties."

The American Family Association runs a site called OneNewsNow. I suppose it's your run-o-the-mill news aggregator site with one heretofore unremarkable quirk: an automated script that, for style purposes I guess, replaces the word "gay" with "homosexual." Which I don't necessarily see as an unreasonable decision. From a technical standpoint, though, it's not a good idea for such a context-insensitive filter -- particularly if you're world-record-breaking sprinter Tyson Gay. Then things get a little weird.

Bonus: From the story Wolves trade Mayo to Memphis for Love (which is pretty awesome in and of itself): "Memphis Grizzlies backers hit the hay hoping that Kevin Love would open things up for Rudy Homosexual in the frontcourt."

Yes, if none of the security decides to show up, you can pretty much take what you want from Target. And if any of the other employees get big ideas about shoplifting or underage drinking and try to stop you, they get fired.

This is going straight into my file of "middle management is causing the apocalypse."

"I want the next cow that has to go out there and stand on the street to have better protection than I had," she said.

What, you want context? Okay. "Chick-Fil-A Cow Mascot Nearly Attacked, Fired."

...One day we as a species will be extinct, and it's people like this that make me glad.

A Naples mother who had her 13-year-old daughter’s head shaved and private area pierced to prevent her from continuing to have sex was acquitted of child abuse charges Thursday.

A five-man, one-woman Collier Circuit Court jury deliberated roughly three hours before deciding the 39-year-old mother was not guilty of aggravated child abuse or child abuse, finding her actions didn’t involve punishment, malicious intent or cause permanent damage or disfigurement.

This also serves as a very compelling argument for people with frontal lobes actually reporting for jury duty.

From the you-can't-make-this-shit up files:

Oregon Rep. David Wu helped direct more than $2 million in defense contracts to a company in his district -- its execs contributed to his campaign -- for T-shirts that Marines say they can't use in battle because they can melt, causing severe burns. Wu says he's "horrified" by the melting problem.